So I'm truly afraid -- nay, terrified -- to say what I want to say about the latest episode of Toddlers & Tiaras, because I'm scared of somehow cosmically inciting an even bigger toddler-pageant train wreck than what we've already seen. But I'm gonna cross my fingers and say it anyway: Just when we thought it couldn't get any worse ... it got worse! Toddlers & Tiaras got much, much worse.
I really thought the episode featuring a 4-year-old wearing fake breasts and butt padding was as low as the reality show could possibly get. I literally had to look away from the TV screen in horror, that's how bad it was.
But then ... they went ahead and did it ...
They went ahead and dressed a 3-year-old up like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Yeah, the waaaaaay trashy outfit from the beginning of the movie when she first picks up Richard Gere, with the silver-y loop thing connecting the spandex-y mini skirt/tank top combo and the thigh-high black patent-leather stripper boots and the blonde wig. Yeah, that one.
Now you see why I was afraid to say the thing about "just when we thought it couldn't get worse," right? Because clearly it will get worse! There's definitely a pattern establishing itself here! And what could possibly be worse than a 3-year-old named Paisley dressed up like a prostitute? Not simply in a manner resembling a prostitute, mind you: Like a specific prostitute.
Paisley's mom, Wendy Dickey, is reportedly "stunned" by the reaction her little girl's routine is getting. Dickey, a big Julia Roberts fan, thought it would be "real cute" to dress her daughter in the infamous hooker outfit; besides, she says she made Paisley's skirt longer than the one Julia wore in the movie.
Oh, well then. In that case, I guess it's fine.
So seriously, what's the next episode of this horror show going to be about? Perhaps they should just go ahead and add a pole-dancing competition to toddler pageants. Maybe the moms and pageant organizers who are giving this crap the green light are too ignorant to realize the position they're putting these girls in, but you know who's not? All the pedophiles who watch Toddlers & Tiaras because it's the closest thing to kiddie porn on basic cable.
Are you beyond horrified that this little girl was forced to dress up like a hooker?
Image via YouTube