Dang Good KidsIf you're reading this, you might not have the perfect toddler. I mean, I have the perfect toddler, but not everyone can. Ahem. You see, after way too many stares from confused elderly diners at local restaurants, a handful of "accidental" shoplifting incidents from the grocery store, and approximately 34 shredded library books, I've finally got this toddler behavior thing figured out.
It's simple, really. And I can't believe I didn't come up with these three amazing solutions before now. I could have spared that nice lady on the plane a split ear drum, and the UPS man might be willing to come back to my house without fear of getting kicked in the balls. But that's all in the past.
Look no further! Follow these three steps and you'll be able to take your toddler anywhere without shame. Just like me.
1. Keep Shoving Food Into Them
Yep, whether it's in the back seat of the car, or at the outdoor kid concert series, if you want any peace, shove a roll in that loud hole. Once they're full, break out the candy bars. They'll never turn down that stuff. Once they get sick of that, they'll be so strung out they won't know where they are, and you can exit with minimal hitting and screaming. Win-win.
2. Cash Prizes
My kids never got quite so into "The Quiet Game" until I started offering cash to the winner. Now those two are so competitive, I'll probably never hear from either of them ever again. Success!
3. Let Them Live Until 30
You see, the toddler stage doesn't last forever. And if you just keep them alive until they hit their 30s, you'll see that this kind of unacceptable public behavior will no longer occur! It's just like magic.
How do you whip your toddler into shape?
Kim and Kanye's Baby Name Predictions!
Moms Love Birthday Parties, Too!
Father Knows Best - Happy Father's Day!
Are Cheaters Entitled to Privacy? - A...
Comments 10
Haha, my parents gave us money for winning the quiet game.
This is awesome!!!!
HA HA!!! Glad I'm not the only one!
Don't forget letting them play a handheld game while cruising in the cart.
lol! My mother-in-law told me that when my husband was little she always kept a banana in her purse because he loooved bananas!
On a more serious note, when strangers "catch" my kids being good and say something to me, I USED to say, "oh just wait about five minutes" or some joke that meant, no my kids are really awful. Then I realized my kids (mainly the oldest, my 4yo) heard my comment, internalized it, and made my prediction come true. Stupid stupid move on my part. I can't even imagine how that must have made them feel! :(
Now I thank the stranger and make sure that the kids know how proud I am that they did ______ (stay by the cart, not whine, share, whatever the person mentioned). It really makes a difference!
LOL That was good
yeah, food equals success. i cannot count the number of grocery trips where my now two year old sat happily munching on a apple ect. one trip he ate an entire thing of strawberries. its either that or litsten to both him and the 10 month old scream. the 10 month old joins his brother and presents a untied front of tantrumdum. Im going to remember the cash prize tip for when they get a little older. that would work wonders!!!