So the funniest part about being a dad with a little girl (well, aside from the vision of myself in tears as a wayward youth shows up at my door for the first time to take my daughter out on a date when she's like 16) is the amount of aggressive attention I get from women when we're out.
Church? Supermarket? Jiffy Lube? Doesn't matter. There is always some woman telling me how adorable my daughter is and trying to touch my kid. And if her little outfit is cute? Gangbusters.
Let's just be real here, I don't understand this. Why in Sam Hill do people think it's okay to reach out a hand to put their grubby phalanges on my child? Do you know what invention would make a million dollars? An automatic people-zapper whenever some random individuals try to put their hand on another person's kid. I've actually swatted a woman's hand before and pretended I saw a bug as she tried to touch my child's cheek.
I've had women attempt to pick up my daughter without even asking me if they could. I don't know if I just look like a man who needs help or if my daughter looks like she isn't receiving enough love at home. I mean she smiles a lot and I've only dropped her in the toilet once and, to be real, nobody saw that. In fact, I didn't just say that.
Granted, my kid is adorable, but what gives? It's not like my kid is an orange. You don't get to pick up and observe and poke and prod but it never fails. Her mother has told me that's happened when she's been out before. I happen to be the more diplomatic of the two of us and I've thrown something at a person before for being rude about my child. It was a goldfish treat, but based on what I think happened after I took off running, I'm pretty sure I landed that fish.
The silver lining here of strangers wanting to touch my child and thinking it's okay is that I know if I ever hit tough times, there will be some angelic woman waiting in the wings to help out with a hug. Okay, not waiting in the wings, but you get my drift.
Point is, what's the deal with women trying to touch my kid? Do men look more welcoming of such activity? Me no know.
But next time? I'm pulling out the slingshot.
Image via Istolethetv/Flickr