I Never Thought I'd Tell My Toddler to Stop Biting the Dog


talking to your toddler
Mommy says crazy things!
There's a reason kids say the darndest things. It's because they've been listening to their parents. Over at 18 Years to Life, they're hosting a link-up where all moms can blog about the things they honestly can't believe they've said to their kids. I'm playing!

I will certainly cop to throwing out a, "I said so, that's why," immediately following a, "Mommy knows EVERYTHING!" conversation. I also admit to stealing a Betty Draper and -- in a moment of pure frustration -- when my child, who has a ton of toys, books, and a baby brother, announced she was bored. I did it. I said, "Only boring people are bored."

But really the things that have shocked me go much further than the ones I simply stole from my own mother. Including the following (three of which I actually said today):

Do you want to go poop with your sister?

Stop touching yourself in the car.

No zerberts until you put on a diaper.

Your uncle doesn't believe in God.

Yes, I do love rock and roll. For the 500th time! Stop asking.

Take your finger out of your butt and eat.

You have to finish your French fries before you get any more fruit.

I let Santa in through the front door, but made the reindeer stay outside.

Did you see that cat eat that gopher?!?! Look!!!

Your boobies might get as big as mine, or they might stay small. Like Grandma's.

What's the craziest thing you've caught yourself saying to your child?

fun & games, language, working moms


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Stacey Busenbark Sanders

I caught my husband chasing our daugher (2.5 at the time) shouting "you can't eat pizza without panties on!"

sexygeni sexygeni

lmao stacey thats to funny !!!!!

Jordanna McPeek

While in the early stages of building our home I had to tell my daughter (2yrs old) "Please don't lick your shovel" when I caught her with it almost to her mouth. One of those things that I never would have thought I would need to say :)

Mommy... MommyofDestiny

Mine is "we don't drink febreeze" my daughter wanted to know SO bad what febreeze tasted like because it smells good....

cute_... cute_mama88

"Don't take your penis out at the dinner table." -said to my four-year old

"Well, yes, mommies do sometimes poop when pushing out their babies."


mommy... mommyme2440

God invented ________ for a reason, use it.

For the nine-hundredth time, child _______

Please stop talking about where the meat comes from at the dinner table. No I will not tell you how they kill them. Or get the blood out.

Will you just _______, now.

You do not speak to your mother like that, young lady!!!

FLUSH!!! (every gd time, I tell you)

You do not grown-up kiss your sister!

CoolM... CoolMommy86

My daughter on several occasions will pull her underwear to the side and exclaim with a big grin on her face, "YA-YA (is what she has nicknamed her vagina) CITY IS OPEN!!" Then I smack my head saying, "NO! "Ya-Ya City" is permenently CLOSED due to restrictions!" She then goes, "Mommy? What does permenently mean?" I smack my head again, "GO TO BED! Goodnight!"

kerwo... kerwolfe712

"Do NOT share your paci with the dog".   and  "Stop licking the cat! He does not want kisses!"   

My daughter is one and is obsessed with our pets.  She also likes to climb in the dogs' toy bin and use their chew toys instead of her teethers.  Gross.  

shays... shaysmommy5810

give mommy the phone, Nana isn't home you can't call her.  (she's 14 months)

give the dog her food back and eat your own lunch!


Stop washing your hands in the dog's water!

or my all time fave:

"What, am I speaking to myself?  Did you not just hear me say "GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN"?!?!?!"

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