Last January, it was my daughter's fourth birthday and just before the party, one mom called me and asked if it would be OK if she just left her daughter at the party rather than staying the whole time. At this point we were accustomed to throwing a good birthday party given we throw two a year, but with a son who is younger, this was a question we had not yet encountered.
The fact was, it really was OK. The party was held in a gymnastics studio with three chaperones and all the other parents stayed. The adults outnumbered the kids by almost three. The party was only two hours long and the mom had arrived back within the last 15 minutes. But the question still threw me. Has my 4-year-old really reached the age where she is old enough for this?
According to Birthday in a Box, parents should plan on staying at birthday parties through the age of 4, which means that next year, my daughter might be old enough for this.
Is this really possible?
Even now, my daughter is in classes where we are allowed to drop her off and leave, but I always wait outside the class in the waiting room. What if she needs me for something and I'm not there, I always wonder.
Regardless of what the etiquette books dictate, it seems to be a personal readiness issues. I'm not yet ready for the drop-off party, though I'm guessing my daughter might be. There is also the whole issue of what other parents are doing. Personally, I wouldn't want to be the only mom who dropped my kid off and went to run errands if everyone else stayed at the party.
This isn't necessarily because there is anything wrong with it, but it would make me nervous and worried that my daughter would feel sad or shy or left out. The fact is, she still needs my help at parties sometimes. I get her the cake and hold her if she feels shy. I help her feel more comfortable. I think my role still matters.
Maybe in a year or two I will feel differently. And when I do, I will be pretty psyched. After all, she gets the fun of a party and I get an hour or two alone!
When was the first time you left your kid alone at a birthday party?
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Comments 45
4? Not unless I'm REALLY close friends with the parents! I dropped my son off at 6, with people I was very familiar with and trusted with him.
I went to my first sleepover party in kindergarten! There were at least ten girls there and everyone had a good time. Loosen up a bit; it will help your children be more independent and confident.
I think that if they are too young to be dropped off at the party, then they are too young to be having a "friends" party anyway.
It's all about what kind of kid you have. My daughter would of had no problem with a drop off at 3. She's always been very independant and self sufficiant. I know others that have kids who can't do a thing by themselves that are the opposite and will be attending parties with their kids till they're ten. It's all about the parent and the child.
Is your child going to get nervous without you there? Can they handle going to the bathroom and washing their face/hands without you? Do they have the manners and self control to behave correctly when you are not there? Is it an envrionment where it is appropriate to leave them there.
My 8 yr old doesn't get dropped off on her own. I don't trust people unless I know them.
I think if they are old enough to be dropped off at school they are old enough to be dropped off at a birthday party. As for the people saying "Only if I knew them." I don't get it. If you didn't know them why would your kid be going to their birthday party?
musicmomma_98, example.....my daughter was invited to a birthday party last week, I met her mom once and she seemed super normal. When I arrived to drop her off there were tons of people there, parents drinking, a pool, a bounce house, and bunnies and chicks. No way was I leaving her alone. But her friend wanted her there, and she wanted to be there. I don't drop my kids off, I usually stay. Another example....there is a amusement park type thing in my town with mini golf, go carts, laser tag, and huge arcade room. The mother wasn't following the kids around and keeping an eye on them, and people can easily snatch a child not with a parent. Again I stayed. These are my kids' friends at school, I'm not going to take away from my girls because I don't want to leave them alone, so I just stay.
It would depend on the environment of the party, and how close we were with the people, and how big a group was there and a lot of factors.I wouldn't leave my kid at a party if I were concerned in any way about the host being overwhelmed or distracted or if I didn't feel like my kid was ready to handle an unsupervised situation.