Co-Ed Sleepovers Are Weirding Me Out


coed sleepoverWhile some parents don't allow their kiddos to go on an overnight visit at a friend's house until they're much older, my family has always embraced the kid sleepover. In fact, our daughter had her first sleepover at her BFF's house when she was only 2 1/2. It was a family we loved and trusted (obviously), and it went so well she didn't want to go home when we arrived to pick her up.

Ever since then she's had more BFF sleepovers and branched out so much that I can't even count how many sleepovers she's gone on or hosted. But I do know the majority of those sleepovers included boys. Since her very first best friend was a boy (and that's who she's spent more overnights with than anyone), we didn't think twice about having other sleepovers when her toddler friend was of the opposite sex.

But now, I'm starting to get a little weirded out by the whole idea of sleeping over at a boy's house.

You see, the last time her best friend slept over was a few months ago, when she was 4. Since it was a long-distance, and week-long, sleepover, she actually did turn 5 while he was still here. But somehow 5 suddenly seems much older. And while I'll always allow sleepovers with this particular little boy, and the other boys we've already had sleepovers with, I'm not crazy about adding in any new dudes into our sleepover rotation. Mostly because these new guys are somehow different than the old ones.

Maybe it's just that my daughter's new friends are becoming friendly at an older age (the other boys she's known almost since birth), but the relationships seem less sibling-like and more "Ohhh, I like him!" Watching my daughter develop crushes on little boys is jarring enough, but the idea of inviting the guys over for a sleepover crosses a line in my mind that I'm shocked even exists. These kids are in pre-school, for Pete's sake. Why am I having this reaction?

Probably because my daughter is suddenly very interested in "boobies," and getting married, and one boy at her school has been kissing her. Also, the kid has always had little boy friends, but she's now leaning boy crazy. All of these things make me suddenly protective of her virtue. About eight years before I thought I would need to be.

So I find myself acting like a guardian at the gate of my daughter's innocence, bearing a sign that reads, "NO BOYS ALLOWED." And feeling like a crazy hypocrite, going against my need to not gender stereotype or identify. Because little boys will always be welcome at our house. In fact, some of my favorite friends of my daughter's are boys. They just won't be allowed in her bunk bed. And with that, I've just turned in my "liberal mom" card.

Do you have co-ed sleepovers?

bedtime, boys, girls


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Tiffa... TiffanyinSF

lol.  I believe it's called age-appropriate parenting decisions.  Go ahead and keep your "liberal mom" card and be glad that you are not going to be assigned a "mom with no boundaries" card.  They can come over in the daytime.  It'll be fine.

Leanne Carnegie

I didn't know kids did sleepovers this early!   At grandma's?  Sure... but I'm quite sure my newly 5 year old would want to come home after all the fun if we tried a mommy-less sleepover (and that would be at auntie's house with his cousins!).     So, I guess I never thought about it because I figured sleepovers start well past the age that co-ed would be acceptable.   And no, I never had co-ed sleepovers... unless you count sleeping over my boyfriends house when I was a teenager (and I'm guessing those don't count!). 

butte... butterflymkm

Hm yeah I don't think I ever had sleepovers with boys when iwas that little but I did in junior high and highschool with my gay best friend. We slept in the same bed even. But he was gay so I dot think it counts.

meatb... meatball77

I'm weirded out by sleepovers with three and four year olds.  There is no way as a parent that I would want someone elses child over at my house overnight that young unless it was a childcare or emergency situation.  I agree with the previous poster that generally sleepovers don't start until the age where gender is an issue.

Nicho... NicholasMama608

I had co-ed sleepovers when I was a kid starting in First Grade.  The boys slept in the living room and the girls slept in my bedroom.  My dad or one of my big brothers slept on the couch with the boys in the living room.  I guess I don't see it as a big deal when my kid gets older as long as it's supervised well.

Freela Freela

We haven't yet done sleepovers where dh and I weren't also sleeping over, and our kids are 8, 6, and 4.  The main 'sleepover' that we do is annually with my cousin, his wife, and their three kids for New Year's Eve.  It is co-ed- they have three boys, and we have a boy and two girls.  I have never thought much about it, because they are relatives... though my cousin's son is apparently intent on marrying my daughter! LOL!  I can't see us being at an age where the kids have friends that I don't know well sleep over.  My 4 year old's best friend is a boy, but I don't see us doing sleepovers anytime soon.  If we did, I would feel comfortable with him being there though.  They are only four!

Zamaria Zamaria

Well, we do have co-ed sleepovers with the kids' cousins, and a very few close friends who are close to family. My kids call them aunt, so they are like adopted family. They usually all crash on the living room floor. But I wouldn't allow it with a kid who wasn't like family.

melan... melanniek

My best friend of 14 yrs and I had our first children 6mo apart.  She had a girl, and I had a boy.  They are best friends (so far).  They come over and spend the night all the time.  My friend and I get to talk mom crap when the kids go to bed.  I don't forsee this ending even when they get older.  Of course they don't sleep in the same room.  Not because we wouldn't let them, they'd just never go to sleep lol. 

Addys... Addys_Mom

we had co ed sleepovers ever since i was about 5 because we had some very close friends that lived around the cornere that were all boys but they were all our best friends. but our sleepovers consisted of everyone (7 kids from each family, plus two moms) all sacked out on the living room floor. There was no worry of things being weird

nonmember avatar Becca

My mom never let that happen either I remember when I had sleepovers with alot of gals my brother would go hang with his friends or our cousin. I have a co-worker who has told me her son who is 5 had a sleepover with boys and girls and I just can't even imagine it. It seems odd. I have a son and I know we will not be hosting any co-ed sleep overs unless its family. And he won't be attending any either. He probably will not be doing sleepovers until around 7 or so at all lol. And I'm okay with him being mad about that I guess I'm going to be oldschool lol!

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