It's difficult to ever criticize anyone who chooses to serve our nation's military and put their lives on the line for rest of us, but I can't help but question the choice of an Ohio couple stationed in Afghanistan. They have a 2-year-old son at home in Ohio, and they CHOSE to serve at the same time for almost seven months because they didn't want to be separated from each other.
Chat and Jeff Rice could have gone separately, but they thought they would miss each other too much and felt their marriage would suffer, according to a CNN story. So now their son, Seth, is left Skyping his goodnights to his parents who are in the midst of a war.
I know there are plenty of experts who will say your spouse should come first, that if you don't have a happy marriage, your children will suffer. But when working on your relationship comes with such danger -- danger of leaving your child an orphan -- it seems a bit selfish ... at least at first.
They say he's likely too young to remember. Jeff told CNN, "We were thinking that a 2-year-old wouldn't remember too much of us being gone than if we had to do it when he was 7, when he'd remember the whole thing."
That may or may not be true, but they won't remember those precious years either. Perhaps that makes them even more selfless in the service. When I struggle with putting my daughter in daycare, I always remember something someone told me -- that if you choose to leave your child to work, don't feel sorry for them, they're probably having a great time, feel sorry for yourself. You're the one who's really missing out. And in many cases, I believe that.
Seth is in the care of his grandparents, so he's in loving, trusted hands. His grandparents call it a "blessing" and cherish this involvement in his life. So really it would seem the couple made an incredible sacrifice both for their country and for their family. To provide an example like that for their son is perhaps the best and least selfish parenting ever.
The Rices head home tomorrow, and I can only imagine how amazing their reunion with their son will be. Welcome home to them.
Do you think a couple serving overseas simultaneously is selfish or selfless?
Image via Carissa GoodNCrazy/Flickr
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Comments 201
As the Mom of a kid who was separated from his Daddy for 9 months at 2 years old due to Active Duty orders, I really side with the decision these parents made. Having one parent gone is totally devesating in a child's life and it takes so much time to adjust, even though it's never really normal. And it's tough on the one parents. If these parents were to deploy separately-- it would be doubling the amount of time this poor boy would be in cycle of deployment. I'd go as far to say that the boy will have a more stable life with a few months with just his grandparents than being passed from one parent to the next.
As someone who is dual military with a 2 year old I can understand wanting to be deployed at the same time. My husband is currently deployed and instead of me deploying next year in which I would have to leave as he was getting back, I was trying to deploy this year so that 1. He wouldn't have to go 2 years with only one parent but also so the transition wouldn't be as hard on him. I have seen how hard and confusing it can be to have back to back deployments. As I was unable to change things so that i was deployed at the same time, my son now has to deal with not having both parents around for almost 2 years instead of almost 1 year. He also has to deal with daddy coming home while having to deal with mommy leaving.
As for the poster(s) who said that it is selfish to be in the military once you have kids and that we are abandoning our kids, I think you should show a little more appreciation for the people who are serving and protecting you and this country. Do we want to leave our kids? No. Do we want to die? No. But we are willing to do it so people like you don't have to! What we and other military parents do is not beyond selfish. We are making sacrifices so that you and yours are defended! Until you are in that position and are willing to sacrifice the things so many military families do for people they don't know and have never met, I feel you should keep your judgments and critisms to yourself and support and respect those who are out there keeping you and yours safe and so you don't have to be! And if you really don't like it then maybe you should enlilst to take the place of military parents.