Once you become a mom, there are already plenty of excuses for not having sex. In fact, it often seems that the sun and the moon have to align perfectly in order to get some get-down time when no one is sleeping, has the flu, or is taking one of the kids to yet another birthday party. Still, if you really want to give non-verbal cues to your partner, why not go the extra mile and try one of these messages that screams, "Don't even think about it tonight, honey. You're not going there."
(If you actually like having sex with your partner, please use this list as a cautionary tale.)
1. Dress Like You Just Don't Care
Sure you could break out the acid wash mom jeans, but why not just say you've completely devoted your days and nights to inhabiting your child's world? The Koobli (as seen above) will certainly keep you protected from dirty toddler hands and dirty husband talk. Oh, look! There's a man version too!
2. An Evening With the Real Housewives
Definitely invite your husband to watch, but be very clear that the night will not end until Parts 1 and 2 of the reunion show have been viewed and tweeted about.
3. Costco-Sized Midol Bottle by the Bed
It's stereotypical, because it's true. If your significant other doesn't get the hint by the huge pain reliever bottle you're clutching, let out a well-timed moan.
4. Integrate Baby Talk Into Your Daily Convos
Because isn't he a cutsie-wootsie lil' hubby?
5. Take a Facebook Lover
Because nothing says, "I don't care about my actual life" like living for the next status update from your high school sweetheart. Or co-worker. Or cute dad at pick-up. Really, anyone else who is as checked out as you are*.
*Please note, if you really don't ever want to have sex with your partner, it's time to seek some marital counseling.
Image via Koobli