An Open Letter to Pirate Booty

April Peveteaux
19

chocolate pirate booty
Was ist das?
Dear Pirate Booty,

As a parent to two little Booty fans, I have to congratulate you on a job well done. When my first child began finger foods, the thrill of popping the Veggie Booty into her little mouth was only matched by my proud mom moment of knowing she was getting a whiff of kale, carrots, cabbage, spinach, and broccoli. Aside from that recall incident, the Veggie Booty flowed in our mom's group like quaaludes at a Zeppelin show. A playdate was not complete without a dish of Booty being filled and refilled too many times to count.

Oh, I admit to sneaking my own bite of Veggie (okay, original cheesy goodness flavor). And imagine the thrill I received when I discovered your products were gluten-free! All of us moms and dads were proud to give our kiddos something yummy, trans-fat free, easily portable, and (relatively) good for you.

But now, Pirate Booty, I can see you're just like the others.

Chocolate Pirate Booty has hit my local Whole Foods, and I want to ask you one thing, Pirate Booty. Should I just grab a family-sized bag of M&Ms for myself my kids? Yes, I see you're using Fair Trade chocolate, and I see it's still trans-fat and gluten-free. But my feeling of superiority is flying right out the window along with my my kid's resolve to only consume non-sweetened snacks.

Must you make something so fluffy and delicious, so chocolate-y as well? How can I deny my family the latest Booty flavor? And from there, it's just one short slide into Quik drinks and fake taco meat.

Please, Pirate Booty, reconsider your latest foray into scrumptiousness. Think of my ass the children!

 

Image via Whole Foods

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