Why is it there's no page in the parenting books about Valentine's Day? Are they afraid they're going to freak us out? The truth is, there is no sexy, romantic Valentine's Day after kids.
No matter how hard you try to find a sitter on the 14th, they're all going to be out, enjoying kid-free lovey dovey bliss. Now lean in a little closer for the good news. This could be the best news of your life! Because kids make the best V-Day dates. For reals. Let a mama school you:
They don't want to have sex with you. Almost too disgusting to think about in this context, but oh so true. There are no machinations meant to put you in the mood for nookie from a toddler. And they don't care if you shaved above the knee. Throw out the razor and bask in the honesty.
They would prefer you don't dress up for them. Really, no Spanx? Really, Mom. They would prefer you wear something made of 100 percent washable cotton so you don't shriek when they touch you with their jam hands. In fact, the closer it is to landing in the rag bin, the better.
They appreciate whatever you buy for them. Sampler box with two chocolates inside? "Ooh, Mommy, it's just what I always wanted!" DVD you grabbed off the $5 rack at the pharmacy when you were picking up their asthma medicine? "Let's watch it now, and can I sit on your lap, Mom? I won't care if you fall asleep 2 minutes past the opening credits."
They'll eat the candy so you don't have to. Ever wonder why the New Year's "I'm going to lose weight this year" resolution dies come February? Because everywhere you turn, there are conversation hearts and red hots and, OMG, are those Vosges chocolates? Here, kids, you don't have to worry about a slowing metabolism just yet. Have at it!
They actually like all those stupid stuffed animals. And they'll sleep with them every night because they came from you Mommy!
They don't want flowers. That $50 that would have come out of the family account for a dozen roses can go directly to your Piperlime habit.
They really love you. As long as you have toddlers, you have unconditional love of a type that husbands simply can't summon. Toddlers do not hold grudges for forgetting to pay the sanitation bill or buying the wrong bread (again) at the grocery store. They get mad, and then they love you again, with every single thing that is in that tiny body. The love of a husband is sexier, but the love of a toddler can warm you on the coldest night. (Once they're teenagers, of course, all bets are off.)
So there you have it. I'm OK with spending the 14th at home this year. What about you?
Image via howieluvzus/Flickr