I lie to my children. A lot. I don't think a single day goes by that I don't lie to them. Sometimes, I don't even realize I'm doing it. The lies have become such a part of me, that I forget they aren't true. They are lies that my mother told me and my kids will one day tell their own children. It's like a secret little Mother Club that we're all a part of. The Lying Mother Club and I'm a proud card-carrying member.
Below, I've decoded ten of our lies ...
1. If you keep making that face, it will freeze and stay like that forever! (Not true, but it's a really ugly face and we just don't want to see it.)
2. Your favorite book? The one that you insist on hearing every single night, three times in a sitting? We have NO idea where that book is! (Or, we threw it away because if we heard it one more time we were going to go postal.)
3. Coffee will stunt your growth. (It won't. What it will do is make you a wild animal and drive us to drink.)
4. If you don't wear your coat, you'll get sick. (Rather, you'll complain about being cold and we don't feel like dealing with the whining.)
5. The dryer ate that shirt that you insist on wearing 5 times a week. So sorry! (By ate, we mean we marched it out to the trash because we really don't need people thinking you only own a single top. You have a drawer full of shirts. Wear them.)
6. Too much TV will turn your brain to mush! (OK, your brain won't turn to mush, but you will get the glazed expression that makes us feel like negligent parents.)
7. Don't swallow your gum! It stays in your stomach forever. (We have no idea why we say this, it's just what we heard growing up and it sounds good.)
8. If you eat that candy, your teeth will fall out. (And, really, we don't want to pay for the dental care. Plus, Reese's are our favorite. Back off, kid.)
9. Of course we save every piece of your artwork! You are a genius and you're masterpieces are completely priceless! (And, if you ever find out that 95 percent of them go straight to the recycling bin, we're toast.)
10. If you keep picking your nose, it's going to fall off. (OK, it won't fall off, but it's nasty and will land you at the Weird Kid table and we don't want that.)
All totally acceptable lies, right? I think so.
What lies have you told our kids lately?