11 Ways to Ensure Your Kids End Up in Therapy

crying toddler

Ever since we had children, we've been saving money for them. Saving for private school, saving for college, saving for summer activities, for vacations, and perhaps most importantly, saving for their future therapy. Should my children somehow end up completely well adjusted adults with no issues to work through, I'll gladly invest the money in some plastic surgery or a week at the spa. But, with me as a parent, I'm not planning my boob job quite yet.

Here are some surefire ways to ensure your children do, indeed, end up in therapy. And, no, I haven't done all of these. (Yet.) Have you?

1. Send them to school dressed in their Halloween costumes. On the wrong day.

2. Despite having no talent whatsoever, insist on cutting their hair. Once they're past elementary school.

3. Post naked pictures, photos of them cross-dressing, or tales of them discovering their anatomy on your blog or Facebook page.

4. Obsess about being fat. Diet constantly. Frequently ask, "Does this make my butt look big?"

5. Sure, your kid is the gifted one. The smartest one, the most creative one, and the most promising one. But, tell them every day and they are also bound to be the asshole one with issues.

6. Have them discover the recycling bin filled with their beloved art projects.

7. Be involved in their lives. Know their friends. Know their interests. Communicate.

8. But, don't be over-involved in their lives. You are their parent, not their friend. The parents who dress like teenagers and let their kids drink really aren't cool in the end.

9. Be the parent calling after your kid, "I love you sweet muffin" or "Who is my cutest boy?" once the said child is out of pre-school.

10. Let your child be the uncool one -- you might think knickers are completely adorable, but if all of her friends are in jeans and she's begging for them, just give in. It's not worth it.

11. Live out your childhood fantasies though your kids. You may have unrealized dreams of cheerleading, but forcing your tomboy of a daughter on the sidelines won't end well.

discipline, learning, toddler development


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Erin Best Margolin

Priceless. I especially like #4. Oh, and #6 happens regularly around our house. I can't help it. They bring so much crap home from school, what am I supposed to do? Use it to wallpaper our dining room???

erin @ the mother load


thedg... thedgoddess

HAHAHA!!!  Don't you DARE try to kiss your child when dropping them off at school, either. 

donna... donnareedonLSD

OMG, how true.  My mom was a constant dieter and always concerned if those jeans made her look fat.  She screwed all three of us up. Good to know someone is paying attention!  LMFAO

Thanks for the great morning post. They're all so freakin' right on!  Made me smile and hate my mother all the much more.


lol I throw away most of his artwork. I keep the handprints and one or two of his very first peices but nowadays daycare is stuffing his cubby with ALLL the "art" that he did that day. Friday I made the mistake of going thro all of the art that had built up over the week and tossing 90% of it in front of his teachers. The looks on their faces. LOL

thisi... thisiscrazy72

#5 is so FREAKING true!!!!

Laugh... LaughterHugs

i think #7 is miswritten :P

Walke... Walker101

#5 is easily my favorite!!!!

minim... minimom424

In regards to #4, I firmly believe Moms need to keep their body image issues to themselves. More preferably, seek psychological treatment for them. My sister has created a monster inside her 5 year old daughter's mind, and she's in complete denial about it. The most recent incident I've witnessed was last month at a restaurant. As we were leaving, my niece had a little cookie in her had. She looks at it then puts it down and says, "No. If I eat this I'll get fat." Great job, sis!

Wrtng... Wrtngfantasymom

I've actually realized I do... or DID #4 a lot.  Then I heard my 5 year old asking how many calories were in something because she didn't want to eat too much.  *Facepalm* needless to say that stopped immediately. I still count mine, but much more discreetly.

Cute article :)

nonmember avatar Water Lily

What a bad rip off of the book sold in Z Gallerie "How to...".

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