After Joe Kurihara reported his 3-year-old missing last weekend, an Amber Alert was issued and officers combed the streets of Los Angeles for little Dylan Kurihara. What could have been a tragic story is instead an embarrassing tale of dad getting wasted at a wedding, being arrested for public drunkenness, and forgetting he had his son Dylan with him in the back seat of his car.
Luckily someone saw Dylan asleep strapped into his car seat in dad's car the next morning in a Pasadena parking structure and tragedy was averted. But public scorn was not. Getting so drunk you forget you have your toddler with you is not acceptable behavior, even at a wedding in Pasadena.
Joe Kurihara is not alone in the Drunk Dad Hall of Shame. Plenty of men don't think having a child means getting their collective shit together. Let's take a look at these famous drunken louts of recent history, and what that has meant for their long-suffering offspring.
The original "drunk dad" Martin put on a hi-lar-ious drunky drunk show back in the day. But his sloppy act didn't follow him home, and his kids remember Martin as a sober dad who loved golf and his family. Awww! That is Amore.
Unfortunately for Lisa Marie, Elvis' addictions were real. In addition to leaving her when she was only 9 years old, Lisa battled addiction herself. Clearly, the little lady was worse off than the kid in the car given her weird revelations about Michael Jackson on Oprah. Ick.
Homer J. Simpson
America's favorite dad, he loves beer more than he loves Maggie. Of course it's all fun and games until you pretend like The Simpsons are real people and humanize fictional characters. So if the flash-forward is to be believed, Bart winds up a criminal and Lisa is the first female President of the United States. Which sounds pretty typical in an alcoholic home.
An admitted addict, Osbourne became decidedly less scary and more cute (if mumbling while intoxicated is cute -- which it somehow is on Ozzy) when we saw him as a dad on his family's reality show. Unfortunately his kids are suffering the consequences of having a pop who needed rehab to save his life.
The stomach on Hasselhoff's daughter! Filming her dad drunk and going after a cheeseburger like nobody's business would have made a normal man fly away to a deserted island immediately following a year-long stint in rehab. But not the Hoff! He used that platform to get one of the sweetest gigs in town -- insulting people slightly less talented than himself.
While we haven't yet seen what could go awry with the Gibson children, we will. Oh, we will.
Image via MySpaceAntics