Toddlers Say the Craziest Things: Here are 17

Sasha Brown-Worsham

Toddlers (and slightly older kids) say the craziest things.

Every day, my children crack me up with their silly observations and I know I'm not alone. Here are 17 of the funniest comments I've heard recently, with some borrowed from the Twitter account specifically created to send these out:

Feel free to add your own at the end.

  1. "The other day I was getting ready for work in a thong and my son said, 'Mama your underwear is on backwards.'" ~ Boy, 3.5
  2. "Snuggling nose-to-nose with my daughter (3.5) first thing this morning: 'Mommy, it smells REALLY BAD in here. It smells like a dog pooped in the house or something.' Ahem. Pre-tact 3-year-old gets her first exposure to adult morning breath. Listerine, here I come."
  3. "My 3.5-year-old daughter found an ant in the house to whom she says: 'Hey ant! You know what's gunna kill you?!........These books!' Then wham. She's a 'mother#@#@' away from being the little girl version of Samuel L Jackson."
  4. "I asked my 3.5-year-old daughter what to do if a stranger asked her if she wanted candy: 'Kill them,' she said."
  5. "Me, to my son, 3: Stop picking your nose. Him: I'm not picking it. Me: Then what are you doing? Him: I'm taking the boogies out."
  6. "Me: '(6-year-old son), you should know Daddy's cell number. In case of an emergency.' Him: 'What's an emergency? Like if Daddy's Kindle wasn't working?'"
  7. "I overheard my husband playing with my 4-year-old daughter, and she says, 'Dammit!' Husband: 'Madeline, don't say that word, it isn't nice.' Daughter: 'So, when I'm a grown up, like mommy, and I get frustrated, then can I say Dammit?'"
  8. "I was at the grocery store with my daughter, 5, once when we saw a little person checking out in the same aisle. The little girl said, 'That kid is all alone.' The little person explained that she wasn't a kid, she was a 'dwarf' (her wording). My friend's daughter responded, 'Ooo do you know Snow White!?'"
  9. "My niece, 5, balking at bedtime, says she's unable to fall asleep: 'Daddy, I think it's time to talk to my doctor about Lunesta.'"
  10. "Also, our neighbor, upon hearing we don't celebrate Christmas: 'So do you, like, have something u p on the roof that keeps Santa from getting down your chimney??'"
  11. "Somebody is driving me nuts. and it's you, mommy." ~ Girl, 4.
  12. "That Sleeping Beauty has quite a castle." ~ Girl, 4
  13. "The other day while discussing the differences between boys and girls,
    my 3-year-old sonoffered to buy me a penis at the penis store,
    which is, apparently, 'right next to the grocery store. Duhhh.'"
  14. "My 4-year-old son comes with me into the bank while I make a withdrawal and then we go next door to the supermarket. While waiting in line, he throws a bag of chips on the counter and I tell him I don't have money for the chips. He looks at me and says, 'Mommy, you're crazy.' I say: 'Why?' He says: 'Because we just left the bank so you have to have money for the chips.'"
  15. "In stall at Cracker Barrel restroom, 3.5-year-old daughter says, 'Daddy, there's a stinky man next to us.'"
  16. "My 4-year-old said, 'I don't want a dog that bites. I want a dog that sniffs.'"
  17. "Mommy to 3.5-year-old daughter: 'You are really making me angry right now.' daughter: 'But mommy, I am too beautiful to make you angry. Look how pretty my dress is!'"

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