Talking Toys: Cute But Possessed?

Jeanne Sager
17

jack in the boxPaging Chuckie. I know you're out there.

Hiding in my kid's toy box. Waiting to pounce.

They may not have red hair and a demonic look, but I'm convinced talking toys are out to get me.

Especially the sweet and innocent ones.

When I saw Playskool had brought back the Alphie Robot, I literally did a jig. Oh toy from my childhood, you are cute, fun, and educational!

And I can honestly say I love the toy when it's being played with ... it's Alphie for cripes sakes. Didn't you have one of these?

Alphie the RobotIt's when it gets put away that it seems to take on a life of its own. He talks. In the middle of the night.

When I'm curled up on the couch avoiding the dog, the snoring, and just trying to read myself into an innocent slumber.

He's like the wood puzzle I eventually threw out (forgive me, she's too old for it anyway) because it would squeak when I walked through the room in the dead of night to go pee. It took one major bang of the shins in a mad dash in the dark to finally realize it was the hamster on the puzzle and we didn't have a mouse.

Did I mention I'm terrified of rodents ... in the house?

He's like the motorcycle that accompanied a Hess truck circa sometime in the last decade and still vrooms at odd moments in the middle of the night when a toy truck settles on it in just the right way.

You're probably going to tell me some story of your insane patience or all that extra time on your hands which you use for removing batteries before each toy is lovingly placed in its own slot in the organized out-of-the-way of company's eyes toy bin.

I don't have that kind of patience. If the toys are not underfoot on one of those midnight runs to the potty, I write a letter to the clean-up gods and include a few Hershey's Kisses. 

But I'm getting smart. I've banned Alphie from the toy box. He may live out his life on top, but not inside. And if the motorcycle is driven "accidentally" to a spot under the couch to live with the dust bunnies, don't come crying to me.

I'm a fan of the talking toy ... but he's not a fan of me.

Are the talking toys out to get you?

 

Images via House of Sims/Flickr; Amazon

 

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