Hearing your toddler crying, "I don't want to die!" is incredibly painful and can make your parenting instincts freeze up in fear. Which was my initial reaction the first time my daughter lay in bed wailing.
I knew the death discussions would arrive on our doorstep sooner rather than later and we've seen inklings of interest before. "Grandpa Rich is dead," she has said repeatedly with more awe than fear. But my 4-year-old seems to have reached a new level of understanding, and therefore complete terror, when it comes to death and dying.
We're a mixed religion family, so it's a bit tricky. But even if we were hard-core after-lifers, 4 is too young to really grasp the abstract concept of heaven.
So we turned to a few children's books to help ease her fear, and explain death and connection in a gentle way. So far, these books have calmed down our anxious child.
Always and Forever by Alan Durant and Debi Gliori
I wasn't sure what, exactly, I was searching for when I looked for books to introduce and explain the concept of death and grieving to my little girl. Always and Forever doesn't sugar coat the issue. Fox gets sick, and Fox dies. Fox's friends who are left behind don't take it well, either. They stay locked up in their tree house for the better part of a year, depressed and unable to move on.
While this seems incredibly depressing, it's also somehow comforting to show the grieving process, rather than acting like no one is hurting. Let's face it, death is the worst and putting a positive spin is kind of BS. What does make Always and Forever kid-friendly is the focus on living life by celebrating your loved one that has gone before. That, and having animals act out this tragedy, rather than human characters. Which would be too close to home for comfort.
The Invisible String by Patrice Karst and Geoff Stevenson
The Invisible String has also been useful for us since we've moved and left friends behind. This beautiful story resonated with our daughter immediately, as they describe a string that connects your heart to everyone else's that you love. When someone else tugs on that string, you can feel it as you miss that person. But missing a person means that person is thinking about you. And when you think about them, they can feel their string being tugged as well. Yes, even Uncle Brian in heaven.
Our girl immediately started naming everyone her string reached out to that was living far away and told us how she felt us tugging on her string when we were away from her last weekend. I truly believe we just created an embodiment of connection she can reference for her entire young life.
Always and Forever ($10.88) -- Amazon
The Invisible String ($11.53) -- Amazon
What books or tools would you recommend to help teach your children about death?
Images (top to bottom): Amazon, Amazon
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Comments 6
OK, I'm crying just reading the descriptions of those books! I remember my mom reading me "The Fall of Freddie the Leaf" when I was younger. I wouldn't say I loved reading it or anything, but it was a nice allegory. Made some stuff make sense.
I think I want to get the Invisible String for my son. We're a military family and just had to move away from all our family this summer. (We were lucky to be stationed close to home for the past 2 years) My 2 1/2 year old has had a really hard time with missing family and friends. My father in law just passed away in January, but Maddox doesn't really understand. He just think Grandaddy went to live in heaven, but asks where heaven is and when he can visit. :/ We're not religious, but we didn't know how to explain it to a 2 year old any better.
This was a question I think I asked on here last year. My daughter did the opposite. We had to put our dog down and she loved him so much. Then about a month later my Grandma died and she had a huge attachment to my Grandma. They were truly two peas in a pod. My Grandma lived with my Mom and my Mom babysits my daughter while I work so she saw her daily. After the death of my Grandma, my daughter wanted to die just for a little bit so she could go visit Onyx and Grandma Flynn. She would always say that should be would back and be with me forever. It was awful and frightened the bageezus out of me!
Thank you for posting!!!! This is very timely for our family as we have recently suffered a number of deaths.