This morning on The View, the ladies offered to babysit for President Obama's daughters. He tactfully declined, saying they were old enough to be babysitters themselves, but I'm sure he was thinking: There's no way Elisabeth Hasselbeck is getting near Sasha and Malia.
I hear those thoughts loud and clear. Come to think of it, I'm not sure if I'd want any of the ladies watching my 2-year-old. Just imagine all the things that could happen ...
The View babysitter: Elisabeth Hasselbeck
The scenario: Hasselbeck wants to play "tea party" with my daughter, but my 2-year-old doesn't understand why there's no teapot or cups.
The View babysitter: Whoopi Goldberg
The scenario: Whoopi invites her friends Mel Gibson, who is "not a racist," and Roman Polanski, who is "not a rapist," to come along.
The View babysitter: Barbara Walters
The scenario: Babs talks my daughter's ear off all day and when I return home, my daughter suddenly has a slight speech impediment and says, "Bye Babwa Wawa."
The View babysitter: Sherri Shepherd
The scenario: Shepherd gets very confused by my daughter's round globe of the world and tries to flatten it out.
The View babysitter: Joy Behar
The scenario: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh my God, where's the kid?
Hmmm ... maybe I'll just give Sasha or Malia a call.