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The other day I was reading the "Ask Amy" advice column in our local paper — because, apparently, I am 87 years old — and came across a nugget of wisdom from Amy that stated children should stop bathing with their parents at the age of 5. This may have been facetious, because if I remember correctly, her answer also included the suggestion that children shouldn't ever see their parents naked if the parents were over 40, for fear of scarring the kids for life (HA HA GET IT EVERYONE OVER 40 IS GROSS), but it got me thinking: How old is too old when it comes to bathing with your kids?We have a large soaking tub and we used to always get in it as a family on bath nights. Now that our kids are bigger (4.5 and 2), there isn't enough room for all four of us, but one of us still gets in there with the boys when they take a bath. Sometimes it's my husband, sometimes it's me. It's obnoxious and splashy and makes a giant watery mess, but it's totally fun. Plus, it saves time because everyone gets clean at once, and it means I don't have to hover nearby making sure the toddler doesn't slip under the bubbles. Once in a great while there's a brief body discussion as a result ("Mom, how comes YOU don't have a penis?"), but for the most part, the fact that we're all naked is a non-issue.
It's never occurred to me that my older boy, who will be 5 in August, might be getting too big for family baths. I just figured it would be obvious to us when it was time for him to have his privacy, but I guess I wasn't considering whether or not there was an age limit for Family Nakedness.
What do you think? Do you think it seems weird to share a bath with your kid past the toddler stage? Is there a one-size-fits-all age cutoff for utilitarian nudism in the household?
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Comments (25)
I think it really depends on the family. My family walks around semi-nude all the time. I don't think anyone thought anything of running around in bras and unders and leaving the door to the bathroom open. My husbands family, on the other hand, is the type that is fully dressed for the day before they leave their room. I'd say whatever everyone is comfortable with is the right thing, not some arbitrary age.
No one-size-fits-all answer, but there is a balance. While I don't believe seeing my birthday suit would permanently scar my kids at any age, I do need to teach that there are some things you don't talk about around "other people," there are some body parts you cover up when you're around "other people," etc. Right now, it just seems easier if I model that behavior around my girls.
It's probably different when the parent and child are of the opposite sex - particularly father and daughter. (May sound sexist, but for most kids, male and female, there is more instinctive closeness with Mom.) I don't have this issue since I'm a single mom with girls. But, as a daughter, I don't think I'd like to have memories of hanging with my naked dad. Just doesn't feel right to me.
I think it's different for every family.
My daughter is 5 1/2. She sees me naked quite often; shower, baths, while I'm changing. I figure when she starts wanting privacy is when that will all stop.
I don't think there is a one-size-fits-all answer. My kids are 5 (boy) and 3 (girl). Recently I have stopped showering with my son because I am the one feeling a little uncomfortable - not him. I once asked a friend of mine when they stopped showering with their kids. She said she knew it was over when her kids were in the shower with their dad and her daughter (around 3) looked up, pointed at her dad's penis, and screamed. That was the first time she had noticed the difference. So there you go - if they cry in terror at the sight of your naked bod, it's over.
You're Welcome.
my husband wont take a bath or shower with our girls. i still do, but they are 4 and 18 months.
It has to do with comfort level really. When do YOU start to feel uncomfortable, when do your SONS feel uncomfortable? That's when it's time to stop. I actually think a bit of nakedness if productive in adolescence. It allows your child the opportunity to see REAL people (which is not what the media portrays), and it allows them to feel comfortable in their own body- or a healthy self esteem.
I still shower with my daughter (she's 3) but as soon as she turned 2 I think my husband was no longer comfortable showering with her. He also makes sure she doesn't walk in on him going to the bathroom. She saw him standing up to pee but didn't see how he was doing it. She asked tons of questions and that was the end of that.
I think this is something that is different for every family, as well as different for children within the same family sometimes.
My daughter will follow me into the bedroom when I am trying to get ready for the day. I take of my shirt, grab a bra 'Mommy, can you put your bra on?' I answer in the form of a question; "Why did you come in here then?" Or I tell her to not look. I have noticed she likes to shut the door when she uses the bathroom.