Expelled From Preschool?

on November 11, 2008 at 7:54 AM

My former biter was never expelled from preschool.

My kids have pushed, bitten, scratched, and yelled at other children in preschool. Before little kids learn the right words to express frustrations, they use teeth and hands. Part of being a toddler, right? I'd like to think that's one of the reasons they're in preschool in the first place, to learn how to get along with others, right?

Not according to some people.

You may remember hearing that a recent Yale study found that nearly seven of 1,000 preschoolers are expelled from school -- three times the rate of expulsions at elementary, middle and high schools. Well, now comes the news that England also reports a high preschool expulsion rate.

Seems we have an international trend on our hands! More than 4,000 children 5 and under were suspended from primary schools in the UK last year. All of them were thrown out due to aggressive behavior, most of it directed at classmates but in some cases at adults.

Now I can understand expelling a child who despite numerous interventions continues to be disruptive and a threat to the welfare of others. But most 2 year olds I know aren't mean or vicious. They're just being 2 year olds.

Several CM moms have also reported their children getting the boot at preschool for what seems like a perfectly normal toddler phase to me.

Says one anonymous mom of her 2 1/2 year old: "He was kicked out of school not even a month into the program. [The director] asked me not to bring him back anymore after he "tried to bite someone," "was rough with a little girl" " and then "actually bit someone." But my thing is, the director didn't even know why he bit him! I thought the point of the 2.5 year old class is so that they can get acquainted with other children and learn to share, etc. My son was never a biter before he started school, so I don't know where this behavior came from."

Over in England, preschool teachers now have more authority to "physically restrain" problem children to nip issues in the bud. I sure don't like the sound of that. Haven't they heard of a time-out before?

Here's a two-part question for you: Should preschoolers be expelled, and under what circumstances? And should preschool teachers be allowed to use force--if so, how much?

About the author Cynthia Dermody

is The Stir's Managing Editor who has trophies in her home for her skills at the Irish Jig. She makes cupcakes with as many fattening ingredients as possible, doesn't comb her hair for months at a time, and was probably a faerie in a former life.

Filed Under: discipline, nursery school

Comments (11)

Mommie2Two

on Nov 11, 2008 at 8:39 AM

I don't care how old the kid is.. or what the circumstance was.. if my child was bitten, hit, scratch, whatever - I think proper measures need to be taken. If your child cannot behave at preschool than, yes I agree, he or she should not be there. That to me is improper parenting. Your child(ren) should know how to act. And if they are not on the mental level to understand appropriate behavior than they should not be allowed to attend the school.

Now, to answer your questions...
1. I believe a child should be suspended. The parents should than be responsible to to correct the behavior that is happening. Once the child is allowed to return, if it continues than the child should be expelled.
2. No, teachers should not be able to use force. The child should be removed from the situation. A parent should be notified and proper disciplinary actions should be taken. (Suspension/expulsion)

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Peajewel

on Nov 11, 2008 at 12:27 PM

I have to say this.......when my son was little, the things he was doing to act out in preschool are the things he learned it preschool! He learned to hit, bite and scratch. I don't think the parent's are to blame for this

hkdennis

on Nov 11, 2008 at 4:03 PM

kids are going to be kids. if it gets out of hand, then YES, the child should be removed from the facility... but if it is just an every now and then thing - then it is their age & them learning how to react.. or better yet testing the waters, so to speak, and figuring out how they SHOULDN't act. lightbulb

livn4hevn

on Nov 11, 2008 at 6:41 PM

I think a lot of those behaviors can, and SHOULD, be resolved at home before you put your children in social situations. My son is 21/2 and he knows good and well what happens when he his, bites, steals toys, etc. I wouldn't take my child to preschool if he was that much of a problem. You shouldn't feel comfortable allowing your kids to attend school and behave like that. I would be MORTIFIED if I found out my son had bit another child.

Yes, they need the social skills they gain at school... but just like with any sport, you don't send your child out untrained. They have to know some basics.

I think teachers should be allowed minimal physical correction. You don't want your child getting an unhealthy image of school at such an early age, but if mom and dad won't discipline the toddler for biting, SOMEONE has to. If it gets to the point where the teacher's actions don't stem the problem, then yes, by all means get that child away from mine. I don't want my kid getting bit because yours is out of control. Control it, or he can't come back. Period.

I hope these extreme measures help parents realize that things like biting scratching and hitting are NOT acceptable "phases" of life. Just because your child is inclined to do that doesn't make it appropriate.

Cafe Amy

on Nov 12, 2008 at 11:39 AM

I think this is tricky because what some people call preschool other people call daycare. For a lot of kids this is where they learn to interact with other children for the first time. I agree that the parents need to teach their children how to behave... but like Peajewel, my son learned some bad behavior in his preschool.

With that said... I think a child sometimes may need to be suspended so the parents understand the gravity of what their kid is doing and don't just blow off what the teacher tells them. And my preschool does time-outs... I wouldn't enroll my kids somewhere that allowed force.

Nonmember comment from Wild Lalang

on Nov 13, 2008 at 1:00 AM

My son never hit, scratch or bite until he went to preschool - after he was hit, scratched, and bitten. Everyone used to comment on how gentle and mild he was, then he started coming back with nail marks all over his arms. So it's a bit of a chicken and egg thing. I noticed that the well-behaved children got worse over the school year, while the badly behaved ones became milder. But that's what happens when you put them in a petri-dish, they all average out eventually. This is why we're not going back to school next year. To your questions: 1. Children should not be allowed to hit or bite. Appropriate measures would be time-out and teachers need to be alert. Unfortunatey teachers are often too tired or busy to pay attention. A child with a PERSISTENT problem behaviour should be removed. 2. Teachers should not be allowed to use force. A time-out spot or stool should be sufficient for the average child.

mossgirl6

on Nov 14, 2008 at 11:53 AM

When my older son was in perschool, he use to do the samething, we found out that my son had ODD which is a behavior problem and ADHD as well as Adjustment Disorder, he was temp. hosptialized until we could get him under control, with meds.

I really didn't want to have to put him on the meds. but it seemed the only choice we had for him. He is know in K. seems to be doing fine, once in awhile he will get out of the normal but the teacher can get him back to where he needs to be that day. At home he is sent to his room for something that he did at home or in school that day. I have been working with our school in the matter of my son and I also help them with other's as well.

laura7485

on Nov 16, 2008 at 1:18 AM

I agree that a repeat offender should be disciplined accordingly, but if the child is having a bad day? Come on now. My almost 2 year old has really good days, and then days where she spends a lot of it in time out. And I also agree that the teacher should not be able to do anything but talk sternly, give a time out, and write it on his/her daily sheet.

osunbaby

on Nov 18, 2008 at 6:44 PM

Mommie2Two, frankly I find your comments as rigid and as inflexible as some of these daycare centres.

My son LEARNT how to hit, bite and slap in daycare. I pulled him out and he now has a full time nanny because I was beginning to hate the attitude they were taking to deal with my TWO year old. He is doing much better in that environment, as opposed to a crowded daycare where people don't seem to have the time to give him, and spaces where he LEARNT how to hit and bite occur.

Parents are responsible, but SO are the daycare workers! It's a joint effort... but I don't know any perfect people at 22, 32, 42 or 82... so how can we be putting so much pressure on two-year olds to be 'nice' and 'behave'. It's a process... they have to be TAUGHT control.

Gecko85

on Nov 17, 2009 at 6:26 AM

As a teacher and as an expectant parent I have my feeling on this subject. I think it is important for these behaviors to be nipped in the bud early. Biting can causea spread of physical diseases, including AIDS, and is very serious. Also, I have had a fourth grader threaten to stab me and there was no reprecussion other than phoning her mother. That is not okay by any means. I have had a male student in high school, who was much bigger than I am, stand in front of me in a threatening way when I asked him to pleas stop rapping and sit in his seat. I think the problem should be solved before it gets to that point and that children need to be shown that these behaviors are unacceptable very early on. With that said, I also think the use of restraint is important. Restraint and corporal punishment are not the same thing. If the student who stood in a threatening manner had actually struck me I would not have been allowed to defend myself at all according to my county school system. All I could do was call security. I think that is unreasonable.