A friend of mine recently told me about One of Those God Help Me I Just Went OFF on a Complete Stranger times. One of those times when a well-meaning but clueless Other Adult decides to have an issue with something about your child. In her case, it was a woman in a store getting up in her autistic child's face and indirectly berating her for confining the 5-year-old to a stroller.
You're too big to be in this stroller. Don't you want to walk? Tell your mommy that you want to walk!
And etc.
My friend, stuck in line while clutching a pile of lacy underthings, didn't really have an obvious escape route and tried to simply ignore the comments, but the woman kept at it. She remained silent long enough to pay for her purchase and started out, when the woman finally addressed her directly: Well. Aren't you going to let that child walk NOW?
"God help me, I just went OFF on a complete stranger," she admitted. And she did.
I've only had a couple experiences like that. My ears still burn when I remember one particularly snide, judging remark as I hustled my son out of a store mid-freak-out -- a remark that I allowed to go unacknowledged and unchallenged because I simply couldn't bear drawing any more attention to myself. I've since had SEVERAL imaginary conversations composing just what I wished I said to that jerk.
In fact, the only time that God Help Me, I Just Went OFF on a Complete Stranger also involved a stroller.
Noah was about 3 1/2 but was going through a rough stretch where he'd run away from us. All. The. Time. Honestly, it's something a lot of kids will do at that age. But Noah had absolutely no sense of danger. He also couldn't interpret tone and facial expressions, so he couldn't distinguish between a game of chase and our terrified, angry cries in a parking lot. Upping the ante was the fact that if he DID get seriously lost, he didn't have the verbal skills to answer basic questions about himself or us. I wrote his name and our phone numbers in all his clothes. I also kept his butt strapped safely into a stroller whenever possible.
We were running an errand at the mall and I had both of the boys seated in our double stroller. An older man stepped directly in front of it and told me Noah was far too old to be in a stroller. I mumbled something about Noah being big for his age before walking away, silently wondering why anybody gave a crap about proper stroller cut-off ages.
And then I realized the man was FOLLOWING US.
FOLLOWING. A solo mother and her two children. Following us while repeating his observation about how big Noah was and why in the world I kept him confined to a stroller like that, it was time for him to walk. I finally spun around and God Help Me, I Just Went OFF.
I told him he didn't know the first thing about my child, his age, or what he was physically capable of, that he had limitations that prevented me from keeping him safe in crowded public areas, especially crowded public areas where FREAKY CRAZY STRANGERS think it's perfectly okay to FOLLOW PEOPLE AROUND while challenging their parenting skills.
He looked at me and blinked a couple times before silently shuffling off. Looking for all the world like the harmless, lonely grandpa that he probably was. I shook for a good 20 minutes afterward, feeling alternate waves of rage and remorse.
These sorts of experiences have taught me Judge Not more than anything possibly could. I'd never, ever question someone's decision to put a 6-year-old in a stroller, because I DON'T KNOW THEM. I don't know if that 6-year-old is capable of walking independently -- the fact that mine can, or most do, has absolutely nothing to do with that particular child.
Sure, maybe those parents over there are too lazy to fight with their 4-year-old about his pacifier -- or maybe it's therapy for any number of oral-motor or feeding problems. Maybe that boy's weight is caused by medication or illness. Maybe that girl takes her shoes off in winter because of sensory issues and short of duct-taping her boots on, there's nothing her mother can do about it. Maybe that's why that other kid's boots have duct tape on them.
But honestly, even if I do secretly judge a little bit, I've DEFINITELY learned to keep my stupid mouth shut. Or God Help Me...
This Hot Dad Wants to Do Your Ironing
This Hot Dad Wants to Cook You Dinner
This Hot Dad Cooks AND Does the Dishes
Kanye West is Gay?! 
Comments 58
This isn't my toddler, but it is about comments I get. I live in Colorado and wear flip flops all year long. Even in snow. I can't tell you the number of times people say something. I have a condition known as neuropathy and it causes my feet to get really hot. Not just me to think they are hot, they actually get hot (once DH put a thermometer against them and it read 112*). Closed shoes actually hurt me. Unless there is a risk of frostbite, I will probably be in sandals. I really hate that people think they know so much about me, a stranger, that they have the right to comment. I am an adult, and I know what is best. IDK what I would do if someone even tried to say something about how I was caring for my child! I would freak out!
What pisses me off to no end is parents at sporting EVENTS. My SO's Uncle has triplets one of them is autistic. But she wants to be like her sisters so they let her join softball. At one of the games she goes up to the plate and PARENTS on the other team had the nerve to start to make fun of this little girl. Her father SCREAMED at the top of his lungs "THAT LITTLE GIRL IS AUTISTIC." I don't know how anyone especially a parent could possibly make fun of a child for any reason.
If it isn't dangerous then I keep my mouth shut. If someone else says something I can generally be a bitch without yelling or cursing (in fact it is usually with a smile which leaves them looking confused) but if someone said something on a really bad day I know I could lose it.
I was carrying my 2 year old son in my arms into the bank, quick in and out, when a man told him he was to old to be carried. The man not knowing he had a brain injury at 7 months old, I told him he didn't know how to walk and went on about my business. One time at physical therapy my sons father had the nerve to ask me why he was wearing braces on his legs, I told him they help him walk better, he looks down at our son and says "they got you looking like Forrest Gump." I was soooooo angry. I wanted to slap him but I told him that wasn't nice. Thank God I don't have to deal with him anymore, he's moving outta state::fingers crossed::
I've had a man in the SUMMER in Georgia (i.e. it was FREAKING HOT!) literally chase me down yelling, "LADY!" in the parking lot of a store, and when he got to me, he said, "Don't you dress your baby?" My son was in a onesie, he was about 5 months old, and it was over 100 degrees outside. Why the HELL would I put more clothes on him and how the HELL was it that guy's business?!
OOOOO... just gets me going, thinking about it!
So, I've never really been challenged... yet. LJ is just now 3 (in June) so I'm sure it will come up when we have him in the stroller and not his wheelchair. but it does remind me of when I was grocery shopping and LJ was just crying and crying... this was during his anxiety "stage" and since he has vision problems, it only makes it worse. But we had to finish shopping. it's hard for us to get out and during that time, LJ cried when we went anywhere.
I almost went postal when someone said, "They should just take that baby home." ugh. yes, I know the crying annoys you... it's got me on pins and needles too, but geez, you don't know me. and you don't know him.
you shouldn't feel guilty. he should feel guilty. and he should have apologized, no matter how old he was.
YES. Thank you for writing this. Let's get the word OUT, because we can never be completely sure of any situation solely based upon a 30 second observation of a kid screaming his lung tissue into oblivion.
My sister is a damned good mother and I hate that she is subjected to stares and squinty eyes when my autistic nephew has a freak-out. After all, my sister cannot predict thunderstorms, can she?
I used to know someone who has a son with autism. When he was a preschooler, he was prone to throwing knock-down, drag-out fits anywhere, for any reason, especially in public. Eventually, his parents got tired of the dirty looks, and judegmental comments. They had some cards printed up, that explained their son's special needs, and asked people to respect their family. When their son started to throw a fit, and they'd notice people looking, or gathering around, they would quietly hand out the cards, and go back to tending to their son. It worked out really well for their family.
The good news is: for every asshat who makes crappy judgments about our parenting decisions, there are, like, a billion more fellow parents or grandparents who recognize our struggles and either realize they have no room to judge or smile to themselves remembering their own Middle-of-Target-THE-END-IS-NOW-meltdowns.
I love you, thank you for posting this because I think most of us have all been there in some form or another. I get a lot of ignorant, annoying comments about my daughter's strawberry mark on her chin, such as "What have you done? Was Mommy not watching you? Did you fall down?" etc. Grrr. That scenario with Noah would have driven me over the edge and I'm kind of proud of you for going off on him, even if he was harmless. Is it really best to ignore annoying people? Sometimes maybe, but I think some people need to know they've overstepped the line. Maybe just a quick "I don't need your opinion, thanks" would suffice? Most likely not. I think these people are just crazy. Let's send them to the crazy island.