Why I'm Kicking "Big Girl" to the Curb


big girlMy daughter is two years old so we're crossing over into a whole new world of abilities. We're heading into Big Girl territory.

Big Girls use the potty. Big Girls don't eat with their hands. Big Girls sleep in their cribs all night long and don't wake up mommy and daddy. Don't you want to be a Big Girl?

It's come out of my mouth. Not often, but still, I wish I could eat those words.

I hate Big Girl.

Big Girls don't need blankies. Big Girls aren't afraid of the dark. Big Girls can stay at school all day without mama.

Translation: "Honey, let me take away all those things that give you comfort. Let me shame you for not doing things 'experts' say you 'should' be doing now. Let me help you lose your innocence as fast as I can."

Then ... BAM! Once I have her right where I want her, I'll start saying things like:

Only Big Girls can shave their legs. Only Big Girls wear lipstick. Only Big Girls are allowed to go to PG movies. Only Big Girls can wear slutty clothes (and only after their mother is dead).

Translation: "Honey, what's your rush? You're only a kid once, enjoy it! Now come give mama a hug. Please?"

There's gotta be something better than Big Girl. There just has to be, because the other night my little two-year-old cuddled in close, looked up at me with big, sad eyes and said, "Mama, I don't want to be a big girl."

That's all I needed to hear.

Buh-bye, Big Girl.

If my daughter is wearing diapers, eating with her hands, and crying for her blankie when she's 16, then so be it -- after all, she'll still be watching G-rated movies.


Image via © iStock.com/PeopleImages

development & growth


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Pishyah Pishyah

I love it. I absolutely love it! I hated it when "Big Boy" and "Big Kid" would slip out of my mouth because not long after that it'd slip out telling him that he couldn't do something because he wasn't one of those.

jeann... jeannesager

Oof - this one is so tough. With us, it's the exact opposite - I've found myself using "baby" as a threat. As in "only babies eat with their fingers," etc. And I hate, hate, hate myself when I say it.

vtfiti vtfiti

i also agree! my daughter is going to turn 2 next month and i really don't care to stress the "potty" but ill have 3 in diapers if i don't so, the potty it is. but i totally agree with you, she still drinks bottles and i feed her:) ill never get this time back. thanks for reassuring me that what im doing is ok to some moms too.

Ems629 Ems629

I'm with you. I found myself looking at cute one piece rompers for 29 month old DD yesterday, despite all advice regarding potty training. Let her be little! Let me enjoy those chubby little legs charging around the yard for one more year at least. And please let her not be pressured to act any older than she actually is....ever. Not on my watch. Lovely post!

Peajewel Peajewel

Oh my, you have brought tears to my eyes. Now, I am going to get my sweet, little girl and watch cartoons with her. I will make sure that I never, ever utter those awful words again. I know from raising one already they grow up way too fast and it is heart breaking.

teach... teacher3900

This really hit home. When you come up with the solution I will be MOST grateful. Looking forward to your words of wisdom. Loved the post!!

melri... melriah30

I can't stand seeing kids still sucking on a bottle and/or pacifier when they're 2 +. Throw it in the garbage! There's few other things that bug me, but some big kid behavior should be enforced. I also would encourage potty training at 2 if you have a stubborn kid like mine or suffer the consequences of repeated accidents on your carpet. JMO.

Pishyah Pishyah

Melriah, not everyone thinks a child is a problem to be managed. We're all entitled to our opinions but knocking someone for theirs is not very considerate.

madfoot madfoot

oh i love this, Suzanne! I do say "wow, what a big girl" when P does something cool, like feed herself or try to put on her own shirt, but I really agree that using it to shame her is not a good idea...

I have another perspective -- since I have baby #2 coming so soon after #1 -- a lady at Trader Joe's had her kids very close together, and we started chatting. Her kids are teens now but the one piece of advice she felt strongly about was -- don't tell the older kid that she's the "big kid" now because really, she's under two, she's not a big kid. Think of them both as babies and you'll be better off because you won't push expectations that can't be met. that really struck a chord.

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