mom and daughter

Photo by Emily_Dollface

I fully admit that I use my children to make friends. So when a nanny shows up for a play date, I'm more than a little disappointed.                                         

Once I graduated school and was out of the work world, I found it much more challenging to meet and connect with women regularly ... until my son reached toddlerhood. Then there were play groups and gym classes and soccer teams and all sorts of opportunities teaming with other mothers -- a whole new friend pool.  

Only the pool gets a little murky when there are nannies in the mix. 

It's happened before: I spend several classes in a row chatting up a hip-looking woman who seems to be on the same parenting page as me. We laugh, roll our eyes at the crazy mother who thinks her daughter is a musical prodigy at the age 2, and I broach the next step -- the after-class get together.

Then she says the dreaded words: "I'll have to ask her mother."

Now, I have nothing against nannies (I know many nannies I love!), and there's no reason I wouldn't befriend someone who chose that profession. But, at this point in my life, with the limited leisure time I have, I want to make mommy friends who turn into family friends. I want backyard barbecues, family vacations, and a joint graduation party.

Okay, I don't expect all that from every relationship, but I at least like the potential to be there.

Plus, raising young children is rip-your-hair-out rough at times, and it's so therapeutic to be able to confide in and complain to someone who is going through some of the exact same crap with their own children. It's just not the same, when that person is getting paid to do it and could take another job at any time (when I can only wish I could!).  

For all my selfishness, however, I would never deny my child an experience or fun time because I wasn't getting the socialization I want. If my daughter has fun with your daughter, and you work, by all means send her over with you nanny. We'll have a great time.

But until we get to the point of drop-off events, I'll still root for play dates that could result in playmates for me too!

How do you feel about play dates with nannies?