Would you want your kid to be eating lunch at 9:30 a.m.?

Yeah, me neither. But it turns out that's the reality for some kids, including those who go to several Florida schools.

There ought to be a law, you say? Well, in fact, there is: It's federally mandated that school lunches be served between the hours of 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. And while even the extreme ends of that four-hour window seem less than ideal to me, some schools apparently find that the window isn't wide enough, and get waivers to serve kids lunches as early as 8:30 a.m.

8:30 a.m.!

Imagine you were a high school janitor, and you just won a $3.5 million lottery. You'd put down your mop for good and hop a plane to Tahiti, right? Not so for Tyrone Curry who won it five years -- he's still working at the same school as a janitor and coach, and recently even donated some of his winnings to improve the school for the students he cleans up after.

According to a story in the Seattle Times, Curry always knew he'd win the lottery some day.  He told people when he did, he was going to help build a "real" track for students at Evergreen Campus high schools in White Center, Washington, that could withstand the elements. Last Friday, the final lines were painted on the new track.

For years, we can do no wrong in our children's eyes, then as they age, they begin to walk a few steps behind us, maybe pretend they don't know us, and suddenly everything we do from speaking to our mere presence is somehow humiliating to them. While it can be brutal to the ego, good parents know it's not the time to back away but rather to stay close and endure the blows because it's the best way to show them we love them no matter what. One dad, who's been dubbed "Dress-Up Dad," is the perfect example of that. 

For an entire year, Dale Price of Utah dressed up in a different costume to greet his 16-year-old son's school bus each day. He started on the first day of the boy's sophomore year as a joke, then kept going and didn't miss a day, rain or shine, all year long. From Elvis to a princess to a dude sitting on a real toilet reading a paper, Dale Price came up with a variety of costumes -- 170 in all; no repeats -- to keep his show going.

Quick. What's the worst part of getting your kids off to school in the morning? Did you say getting them UP so you can actually get them out the door? Introducing the idea so brilliant I wish I'd thought of it myself: morning wake-up calls for teenagers FROM their school.

See? Genius! A new practice that's popping up at schools across the country, it's pretty easy to achieve. Just like the automated calls you already get when the school is doing something big (I just got one to remind my kid school is IN session on what WOULD have been a holiday if we hadn't had so many snow days), they don't take any manpower. It's all automated.

We're supposed to feel bad for kids like teenaged Patrick Knighton. He's a good kid, the class president who is going to miss out on flipping his tassel and accepting his diploma with the rest of his class. Why? Because the school won't change the date of its graduation to help Knighton out.

Is anyone else just not feeling much sympathy here? Harsh? Maybe. Realistic? Absolutely. Because this happens every year. A family ends up in the media complaining that their school is full of a bunch of Meany McMeanersons who won't change a ceremony for dozens (hundreds?) of kids just to accommodate one child's schedule.

The "English as a national language" debate is rearing its head again. But this time, it has nothing to do with illegal immigration. Well, not exactly. The new battleground for fluency is centering in our schools.

A school board in New London, Connecticut, has just passed a requirement that all students attain a certain level of English proficiency before being granted a diploma. OMG! They actually expect kids to be educated before they graduate? Call the men in white suits! These people are cah-raaaazy!

I can almost hear the strains of "Pomp and Circumstance" now. It's graduation season. AKA the time of year when school administrators go absolutely nuts trying to treat these soon-to-be "adults" like they can't be trusted to make a single decision for themselves. 

Case in point: In Wasilla, Alaska, students had to fight a battle with administrators for the right to sing the classic song "Bohemian Rhapsody" at graduation. The problem? Well, Freddie Mercury of Queen was gay. DER! Clutch your pearls, ladies and gents, because heaven knows we can't let these kids who are about to walk out the doors of the school and make all their own decisions actually confess that they don't give a fig about someone's sexuality.

I worship the ground that school teachers walk on, for the most part, but here's a teacher in New York who's seriously going to be up for sainthood, whether she wants it or not.

You may remember Lissedia Batista, the Spanish teacher from the Bronx who miscarried when she was knocked into a chair during a classroom brawl between students. It's incredibly sad. However, she came back to the classroom to teach, not with contempt but with forgiveness.