My son is running. He’s no Usain Bolt, but he’s pretty quick. Rumor has it, he will only get faster. So the question is: Will I use a restraint for him, one of those backpacks shaped like an animal that has a really long tail? The answer: No! I will not put a leash on my son.

His safety is my chief concern, so I don’t care that the harness might embarrass him or make him look like an ancient Mike Myer’s sketch on Saturday Night Live. (And I do allow concessions for children with medical issues that may make a restraint a requirement and for parents who have more than one child to keep an eye on). But if you have only one child, like me, you should be able to keep your little one out of harm’s way when walking down the street.

Congratulations, Mom! You've actually made it all the way to the teen years without (technically) losing your mind. Except there's a good chance you'll lose it in the very near future, because this gig is NOT for the faint of heart. Seriously, did you put your parents through the same torture?? Because if you did, you better buy your mom something better for Mother's Day than that pair of slippers you found on sale. Speaking of which, all you really want this Mother's Day is 24 hours without someone rolling their eyes at you. Am I right? Here are 25 more ways you know you're the mom of a teen.

Sigh. In a story that sounds all too familiar these days, a 7-year-old boy was suspended from school after pretending his pencil was a gun.

Christopher Marshall, a second grader, was attempting to imitate a Marine when he "shot" his friend pretending to be a bad guy. Both of the boys stopped their game when the teacher said something to them, but both wound up being suspended for their actions.

Bethanne Bradshaw, a spokesperson for Driver Elementary School in Suffolk, Virginia where the boys attend, says, "It's an effort to try to get kids not to bring any form of violence into the classroom, even if it's violent play."

And I get that. I really do.

My grandmother, OliveThis Mother's Day, I'd like to send a big thank-you to my grandmother, who raised me from the time I was 11 years old. Nan, you weren't prepared to take on two young children (me and my sister) as a divorced woman in your 50s, but you did what you had to do. And I thank you for that. Hey, you weren't always easy. But then again, neither was I. Remember that time I got caught stealing music cassette tapes (I just aged myself) when I was about 12? Not only were you furious when you came to pick me up from the store, but you cried for three days and barely spoke to me for a month. Harsh? Sure. But you know what, I never stole again. Can't say the same for my friend, who got caught stealing with me. She was soon back to stealing -- perhaps her mom wasn't as mortified.

Seems like more and more people are totally misunderstanding what 911 is meant for -- true emergencies. Not for a divorce or because you're annoyed with your mother. And yet, the latter is disturbingly the reason a 19-year-old in Vero Beach, Flori-duh named Vincent Valvo called 911 recently. He actually called twice to complain that he "didn't like how his mom was talking to him." OMG. And we thought the divorce one was the height of craaaazy!

Thank goodness the police refused to take this one lightly. They showed up outside his home at 4:30 a.m. and arrested him for "abuse of 911." Faaaantastic.

You've got to give this kid points for taking initiative at least, as dangerous as his initiative may have been. It happened this weekend when the unidentified 6-year-old got a craving for Chinese food. So he grabbed his parents' car keys off of the counter, and set off in search of his fix around 7:30 a.m. Saturday morning

Having never driven before, he had some trouble. According to The Detroit News, he collided with a "no left turn" sign in his family's Ford Taurus station wagon and, being the responsible kid he is, decided he needed to get the car fixed. So he headed toward the car dealer to get the work done.

By now the mommy wars have pretty much gotten us nowhere except to the realization that some parents spank their kids and some parents do not spank their kids. But now I'm going to throw a little monkey wrench in there: how about the parents who let other people spank their kids? Say the parents who let people at their kids' school spank their kids?

Is that OK? Are you sure? Because the mother of an 11-year-old girl who was spanked at school ended up filing a police report and taking the child to the hospital after she got the paddling of her life.

I am a firm believer in the whole "it takes a village" philosophy when it comes to raising children. In fact, I thought most people would feel the same way until I saw the reaction MSNBC host Melissa Harris-Perry received about her plea for essentially just that. She spoke about how children should be everyone's responsibility, not just that of the parents. What exactly is so wrong with her suggestion?