If you're reading this, that means you haven't watched this new video by teen singer, Alison Gold, called "Chinese Food." I say that because if you are reading, that means you've still got your eyes. I do not. I am typing this from memory. Also, where my ears once were there are now only bleeding gashes. Additionally, if you still have ears to hear something strange, it's the sound of me screaming until my lungs give out and I die.
Too much? THEN CLEARLY YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THIS VIDEO. In the grand tradition of Rebecca Black before her (and from the same creators), Alison Gold has taken awkwardly to the Internet to sing about her love of Chinese food. I can hear you now -- who can fault her for that, Chinese food is delicious. Sure okay.