Teen Dating: Would You Let Your 17-Year-Old Date an Older Guy?

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chick

17 Years Old. Spring chicken?

 

An anonymous mother asks a serious dating question: How old is too old a guy for a 17-year-old girl?

There are legal considerations of course--for example, in some states it is actually statutory rape for even an 18-year-old to have sex with a 17-year-old. But beyond the law of the land--the law in every household varies. IMO, there are some ages where say, a four year spread is huge, versus other times in life when four years makes little difference. I'm not so sure about where seventeen falls here.

When you talk to teen girls, many times you'll hear about the "immaturity" of guys their age. This may be true--boys tend to mature slower than girls--but does that make it okay for teenage girls to see older guys?

Would you allow your 17-year-old daughter to date an older guy? Why? Or why not? And how old? 18? 19? 20? 21+?!

sex & dating

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WillDoDa WillDoDa

For me this is a very tough question.


I am uncomfortable with the notion of my girls dating boys who are much older.


On the Other hand, When I was very young, I dated much older guys. I guess the reason it's hard for me is because, I never did anything with these guys. I didn't kiss until I was 15 and didn't have sex until I was married, so while I was "boyfriend/girlfriend" with these guys, we weren't engaging in sexual acitivity.


If my child is a teen and having sex with an older guy, that's going to really bother me. In a relationship where that's not an issue, I don't see a problem. but as the Mom, I won't necessarily know for sure what is or is not happening, so that is why it makes me uncomfortable to think of an age gap of more than one or two years.


On the other hand, at 19 I married a 31 year old and we are still very happily married. It's a very very tough issue.

usmom3 usmom3

if he was under 21 yes. 21 & over I would ask her to wait a year so she was an adult too.

lovem... lovemy918

I dont know to be honest. I met my now husband at 16.  im 21 and hes 27.   I have "boyfriends" before him, however never had sex until I was married...and same with him. 

But with MY daughter I'm going to want to do things differently than I did, so that would mean she would have to be 18 before I would approve of anything over 1-2years

wiles... wilesmomma

With my children it will be different than it was when I met their father, I am not going to say anything more than we have a 12 year age difference.

AudMama AudMama

Depends on my daughter and her maturity level. Also highly depends on the prospective boyfriend. But if she was 17, I would say absolutely no older than 19. Hopefully she won't want to date until her 20s though. :)

brand... brandieevans_6

Well I think that 2 years should be the minimum for any age until they're over 18 then they can decide for themselves....


My 16 y/o stepdaughter is dating an almost 20 y/o.If it was up to me,she'd never leave the house again.

pugmama pugmama

it depends on the daughter and the guy.  you can't put a blanket rule on it.  there are plenty 17 yr old girls who just want a mature boyfriend and are able to find it in someone older.  (i was one of them)  but there are also a lot of older guys out there preying on younger, emotionally unstable teenage girls.  and, unfortunately, i think that's more common.  (unfortunately, i was also one of those girls at one point in my teenage life) 


i have 2 toddler boys, but if i did have a teenage girl, it would depend on the girl, out relationship, her openess w/me on the issue and my own thoughts on the guy.  yes, he'd have to meet me.  =)

patti... pattisayshello

idk, i guess it depends on the guy(and how mature the 17 year old is )

madam... madamekatekate

It mainly depends on the girl and the guy but as a general rule I'd say 19 would be the limit.


I sure wouldn't let my 17 year old daughter date a guy in his 20s.

Ewadun Ewadun

No,  I wouldn't allow it as long as she lives under my roof. I dated much older men as a teenager. I got married at 20 to a 35 year old. While we had many good years together, THE AGE GAP DID MATTER! We've been married now for 27 years.

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