5 Reasons Tween Clothing Stores Are the 7th Circle of Hades

Jenny Erikson Rant

Teen ClothesI had to go clothes shopping for my 10-year-old daughter this past weekend. She's going on a class trip next week to a cooler climate, and I had to make sure that she had jeans and a jacket, and extra socks, and of course new pajamas because she's going to be sharing a hotel room with three classmates and a chaperone.

Also a one-piece bathing suit, because modesty, and apparently a bikini with a full rash guard doesn't count. Wait, why am I packing a swimsuit and a parka for the same trip? Never mind. I'm just following the list. And when it comes to shopping for the tween daughter, it is heads down, eyes forward, no nonsense, get in and get out as quickly as possible because I'm pretty sure that tween clothing stores are run by Satan.

Can I get an "amen," parents? I know you know what I'm talking about. The trendy tween clothing store makes us collectively cringe, and then tip our hats in soliderity.

Here are five reasons tween clothing stores are the seventh circle of hades.

The music. What is that? It just sounds like noise. You could probably offer me a million dollars to name the teeny bopper singing and I'd stare at you dumbfounded. Because the noise is causing the stupid to happen in my brain. Also because I have no idea who the kids are listening to these days.

The changing rooms. These are stalls in the back of the store with a curtain in front. A curtain. Not a door. And of course this doesn't cause any anxiety with adolescent girls that are just beginning to become self-conscious of their bodies. And Heaven help the mother that tries to sneak a peak to see if she needs to grab the next size up.

The register displays. Stacks of lipgloss, nail polish, iPhone cases, personalized hair brushes and pocket mirrors ... it's the tween equivilant of candy bars at the grocery store checkout. And they're always falling over, making you feel even more like a clumsy adult than you already are.

The price tags. Why are size 12 jeans $45?? Wait, they're only $22.50 if I use my "bucks" card? What if I lost my card? Or is the whole store 15 percent off the blowout 40 percent redline sale? I can't figure out the complicated pricing schemes designed to make me feel like I got a deal works. I already know I'm getting ripped off.

The clothes. This is fashion? Good lord, I almost go blind from the sequins every time I walk in the store. Ripped yoga pants? Cheetah everything? And it only costs eleventy billion dollars? OK, fine. Just get me out of this store!

How do you feel about shopping with your tween?

 

Image via cherrypatter/Flickr

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