I do not, as a rule, envy teenagers. Maybe give me another decade. But, as it stands currently, I look back on ages 13 to 19 with a wince and not a little mortification.
What can I say? Things about me that contributed to this present state of not-wanting-to-be-a-teen-again: I fart when nervous and have thrown up in at least one bush. Plus, I can't tell when dudes like me. As an adult, I can handle most of these aforementioned disasters with aplomb. But as a youth? Oh my sweet taffy, no.
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Still, that doesn't mean I don't have moments where I look at the teenagers around me and shake my head in disgust. THEY HAVE NO EARTHLY IDEA HOW LUCKY THEY ARE. Think of all the things teenagers don't have to do that we, the more aged side of the population, must endure. Actually don't -- because I've done it for you! Here are 7 things teenagers don't have to do:
1.) Worry About Looking Sexy
Whatever messages the media (hi guys!) might be sending, every time a teenager tries to look sexy, they usually wind up skewing more like a drunk baby who's gotten in your makeup. While most make some attempt to "look hot," they have no idea that they look their best just as they are.
2.) Watch What They Eat
If I tried to subsist on a Cheetos-only diet, it would end in greasiness and despair. Teenagers can go on something like a "chocolate fudge" cleanse and still come out even thanks to their insanely good metabolisms.
3.) Be Organized
As an adult, your boss isn't likely to buy your "dog ate my homework" excuse, even if you deliver it in a grandiose Homeric-style. Your high school civics teacher? Much more understanding.
4.) Think Before They Speak
If I'm in a bad mood (which is often), I have to try and smile and be nice and bite back my sarcasm in order to exist as an adult in the world. A teen hisses that they don't want to talk about their day? That's acceptable. Because they are made of hormones and feelings.
5.) Wear Seasonally Appropriate Attire
I have at least eight outfits I haven't worn to work EVER because I haven't gone out and bought thick, winter-style tights, which they require. I am an adult. I can't bandy about town in a tiny skirt and bare legs and not expect to hear about it. A teenager? It's practically the uniform to be cold and at least partially naked.
6.) Make the Right Choices
It's a Tuesday night and my unemployed friends are going to a rave (or a foam party, because in this example, it is 1998). I could go with them and get home just in time to rinse the stank out of my mouth and get back to work, or I could be a good drone and wait until the weekend to play. Guess which one I pick? Teenagers can make the wrong choice -- it's how they learn.
7.) Get Enough Sleep
If I don't get my regulation eleven hours of sleep, I am a giant, weeping mess. Teenagers can cat-nap their way through most of their senior year and still come away with stellar SAT scores.
What other things can teens do that we can't stomach anymore?
Image via jronaldlee/Flickr