As the mother of two daughters, one of the things I’ve wondered since their infancy is how I'm going to survive the teen years. Three hormonal women under one roof? Two of them sisters? I only had brothers growing up; I have no idea what’s normal for sisters.
Anyway, one of the things I worry about in particular is boyfriends. As much as I’d like to lock them in a tower and protect their emotional little hearts (not to mention keep them as effectively as possible away from STDs or teen pregnancy), that’s just not an option.
Nope, someday my little princesses will go on dates with scummy teen boys, and I’ll have to smile like I mean it and hope to God that he’s interested in something other than what’s in her bra. Because let’s face it -- if he’s thinking about anything other than boobs as a teen boy, he’s probably a keeper.
Here are some possible lines my daughters will hear when they eventually start dating ... decoded. I know you don’t believe it, girls, but I too was once a dating teenage girl.
- You’re the prettiest girl in the world ... whose boobs I might have a shot at touching.
- I’m listening to you ... just please please please don’t ask my opinion, because it turns out I was thinking about video games. Or your boobs. Both actually.
- Your parents are cool ... for people that look like they want to kill me.
- I want our first kiss to be romantic, like on the dance floor ... and later we can make out under the bleachers.
- Everybody else is doing it ... and I can’t believe I’m the only one of the guys that hasn’t seen a real live pair of boobs. Because guys never lie about seeing boobs. (They lie all the time about it, sweet girls.)
- We should have a swim party ... so I have an excuse to see you in a bikini and get in the hot tub with you.
- I love that shirt on you ... because it shows off your cleavage.
- Let me give you a massage ... your skin is so pretty I must touch it, and it gets me so close to the over-boobs.
- Did you guys break up? I’m here if you want to talk ... because I think I can get a rebound kiss.
- You look cold, here’s my coat ... and if you wear my coat, it basically means you’re my girlfriend, and my odds of seeing your boobs just went up exponentially.
What lines do you remember from your adolescence?
Image via Courtney Carmody/Flickr