School Gives Teens List of Ridiculous Alternatives to Having Sex

water fightI think I speak for most parents when I say none of us really want to think about our kids having sex. But unless your kid has plans of becoming a priest, chances are pretty darn good that it will happen one day. So how are you going to deal with it?

Have a birds and the bees talk (or 12)? Buy them some condoms or book an appointment with the gyno? Tell them to go watch clouds in the park or blow some bubbles instead of knocking boots?

Go ahead, guess which suggestions came from the, ahem, interesting list that a Christian school recently gave its teenage students detailing healthy alternatives to having sex.

They had good suggestions! For 6-year-olds ...

More From The Stir: Sex Talk With Our Kids Should Start Right After Potty Training

It seems the folks at the Caloundra Christian College in Queensland, Australia didn't study their audience before developing their abstinence message. Their "101 things to do instead of doing it" reads like a how-to bore your teen to tears.

Check out the the actual examples of what they want horny teenagers to do the next time they're feeling a little randy.

Which is your "favorite"?


Image via SteveCoutts/Flickr

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JS0512 JS0512

To the people who came up with this list who think blowing bubbles or picking fruit is a good substitute for sex:  YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!  Seriously?  This is hysterical.  The only replacement for sex is more sex.

LadyM... LadyMinni

That's hilarious! You know what the best substitute for sex is? Masturbation. No one gets pregnant, no one gets a disease, no one gets hurt. No, it isn't as good but you don't know that until you actually have sex. My parents were okay with masturbation, "just lock your door." I started being perpetually horny at 13 and I didn't have sex for another five years. There was no fruit picking or blowing bubbles, let me tell you.

miche... micheledo

Way to make fun of people who don't want to have sex. Some of us chose to wait. My best advice - get out of the house and go somewhere public. Sure go apple picking, g oto a park and blow bubbles, act like a six year old. My, now, husband and I had some fun dates walking around Toys R Us and playing with the toys!

Go help someone else out - do some yard work, clean a house. You will learn more about each other while working together. And you'll learn things about the person's character, work ethic, etc. Much better then just learning if they are good in bed.

redK8... redK8blueSt8

I agree micheledo.

These suggestions for a Christian college, who value chastity before marriage and fidelity in marriage, are great for dating couples wanting to practice what they believe. Not to forget, having things in common outside of sex is essential to a loving life long relationship.

nonmember avatar Dawn

I don't really find this to be a funny topic. Actually, I am getting a little sick and tired of people who make fun of other people for either practicing abstinence or talking about it. Why does abstaining from sex or wanting your kids to abstain have to be "wrong"? I understand that the majority will not abstain until they are in an adult, long-term, loving relationship, but why should it be wrong for those who do? I am sure you can find better things to make fun of Ms. Sager??

BGarcel BGarcel

this list sounds like a list of things to do if you're bored, not as an alternative to having sex. I never had sex because I was bored so how effective would this list be? I had sex because I found him to be so freaking hot I wanted him inside me. If we went to the park instead, I would still want to have sex with him later that day or next time we saw each other.

Jalestra Jalestra

The point is not to make fun of people for having sex or not having it, it's that this list is utterly ridiculous. The list is stupid and useless. I'm with BGarcel, it's not about being BORED, it's about being horny and there are MUCH better suggestions" go take a cold shower, bring up marriage or children..there are all kinds of ways to suggest they cool down and none of them include stupid things like drinking out 2 straws. If they are alone and in THAT mood, yeah, this list is stupid. How about calling it "dates to have to keep you from being alone and having sex"? Then this list would make much more sense.

Of course, I'd dump a guy who took me on these dates, but hey, gotta start somewhere I guess. 

pagan... paganmommy4

Just saying that whole list leads to having sex in the end by building hormonal tension

Melissa Perrigo

Seriously, she's not making fun of people who want to abstain from sex. She's making fun of the suggestions this school gave these teenagers as "healthy alternatives to having sex." Which are silly. They might work for some, but for a lot of teenagers with hormones raging, peer pressure to have sex, and not to mention not wanting to seem "cold" they're not going to work.

This is just the truth, kids are 'growing up' too fast these days. When in fact they're really not growing up at all. They just want to have sex to seem cool. Or whatever the word is these days.

Vanessa Poholek Fasanella

I was given this pamphlet at UConn in 1992. We would read it out loud to each other laughing. We were a bunch of girls in a girls' dorm, most of us virgins. We were offended by the "101 Ways to Make Love Without Doin' It". It was creepy and silly and weird. And sounded like it was written in the 80s. The 1880s.

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