Why Every Mom Should Tell Off Guys Who Check Out Her Teenage Daughter

Rant 25

anti-slut shaming messageThe older my daughter gets, the more uncomfortable I become with the temperature of the conversation over what teenage girls are wearing. Yes, I want my daughter to show a little class with the clothes she chooses. No, I don't want her to feel that it's OK for men to leer at her ... no matter what she's wearing.

Recently I've come to realize that a part of raising a girl in America is teaching her that she doesn't have to take inappropriate overtures from men. And the only way to do that is to tell the men to take a hike.

This isn't easy for parents to face.

When a man is staring at your daughter in the supermarket, the last thing you want to do is march over to the lech and tell him to put his jaw back on his face where it belongs.

Guys like that make us uncomfortable for a reason.

But Moms, Dads, please, do your daughter a favor! Don't tell her to put on a sweater. Don't even hustle her out of there. Walk over there and give that man a piece of your mind.

Don't do it because I told you to. Do it because your daughter needs to know that 1) you have her back, 2) it isn't her fault, and 3) something CAN be done about a man making her feel uncomfortable. 

We are their first role models and the first line of defense against slut-shaming. Let the lecherous old man in the grocery store continue to ogle her like a piece of meat, and you're sending the not-so-subtle message that his inappropriate behavior is OK, and that she's wrong for feeling uncomfortable. Scurry her out of there or make her cover up, and you're telling her that she is the problem, not him.

Walk up there and set him straight, and you empower her.

It's an uncomfortable truth for parents to admit, but even as we love to admire our girls' beauty, we have to protect it too ... and protect them.

Have you ever encountered someone looking inappropriately at your daughter? What did you do about it?

 

Image via david_shankbone/Flickr

body image, family, tough topics

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LadyM... LadyMinni

Just make sure they actually are checking her out first. My mom flipped at a guy she thought was looking at my sister just a little too closely. Turns out he was just debating whether or not to tell my sister that there was a huge hole in the butt of her jeans. She happened to be wearing a thong that day.


My dad has chased off more guys than I can count and I'm thankful for it. When I was 15, guys thought I was 25 because I just look older naturally. They didn't know I was a teenager, or I seriously doubt they would have looked at me like that. Very few teenage girls look like teenage girls anymore.


Straight men are attracted to women, that's the way of the world. Unless the guy is being inappropriate or making my daughter uncomfortable, I'm not going to do anything. Fiona will need to learn to handle herself. They can look, but they can only look. If they try to hit on my daughter, or make lewd suggestions, or try to touch her then they'll have to deal with me. If they're just looking then they're just looking.

nonmember avatar Sunflower

You seem to forget that some teens dress in a way LOOKING for male attention.

hopef... hopefulmommieLW

And what about telling our daughter to dress age-appropriate? I mean I would never EVER let my teenage daughter out of the house in jeans with a hole that showed her THONG!!! Like seriously, there is a difference between a man looking at a fully clothed teenager inaprpriately and a man looking at a half naked teenager that looks like a 25 year old porn star with her boobs and buttcheeks hanging out. If you are a mom of a teenage girl it is your DUTY to explain to your child that if you are going to dress a certain way, then there are going to be men that look at you.


 


That being said...LOOKING is MUCH different from inappropriate gestures, or touching or assaulting. Men should KNOW that that is wron NO MATTER how a girl is dressed.But I trly believe if you dress like a slut...then what are men supposed to think? That you`re not one? Dress the way that you want to be percieved, and don`t complain if you are dressed as something and people take you to be that.

bella... bellacazzate

HopefulmommieLW obviously missed that whole slut-shaming bit. 

blunt... bluntcakes

slut shaming is awful. even if it is "slutty" clothes men AND women should control their impulses. people can look at me all they want as long as they dont touch me, if they make a pass at me i can decline respectfully. 


"But I trly believe if you dress like a slut...then what are men supposed to think? That you`re not one? Dress the way that you want to be percieved, and don`t complain if you are dressed as something and people take you to be that"


this is the type of attitude that blames rape victims. slutty clothes dont cause rape RAPISTS cause rape. i dress pretty shitty sometimes and look like a hobo but that doesnt make me one.


 

nonmember avatar Sunshine

Just because a guy "checks out" a girl it doesn't make him a rapist. The author seems to take issue with guys looking.

BGarcel BGarcel

I think bluntcakes makes a good point.

And Ive seen a mother do this at the supermarket, and having it blow up in her face. The first thing the guy said was a question. He wanted to know if her daughter asked her to do this. The mother said no. Then the guy let the mother have it for blowing up at him. In the end, he made a better, more logical argument than the mother made. I think he won that confrontation.

Kate Cooley

I think we need to separate the need of protecting our kids from "slut-shaming." They're two different things entirely. Slut-shaming, while completely wrong, is to make women feel bad for enjoying sex. Adult women. Adult women who have sex. Not our teenage and pre-teen daughters. Do we need to protect them from pigs? Yes. But we also need to properly teach them what clothes are appropriate for what situations. It's all well and good to say "My daughter should be able to wear what she wants and not have someone leering at her for it." But then you also need to teach her not to have half her butt hanging out of her pants in the supermarket. Not because "she's asking for it" or something like that, but because it's inappropriate dress.

No one wants to tell their girls what's "appropriate" anymore, I'm noticing. At a local school event (in a Catholic school, no less), my son's female classmates (5th grade) showed up wearing dresses that were so short, if they bent over, we'd get a full view of everything. For 10 year old girls at a school function (a RELIGIOUS school function), that's not appropriate. But lately, it seems that "classy" is taking a hit while "female empowerment" strides forward. You can totally do both, but it involves using your brain and wearing a whole shirt.

bamab... bamababe1975

String bikini or a burka - doesn't give a grown man the right to openly leer at an underage girl.  

nonmember avatar Karen Rice

THANK YOU bamababe1975!!

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