A 21-year-old college student named Aubrey Ireland has convinced a court to approve an order of protection against her own parents for "stalking." Helicopter parents, everywhere, consider this your last warning. This could be you in a courtroom saying your mea culpas next!
The Irelands had raised a kid responsible enough to get to her senior year at the University of Cincinnati College-Conservatory of Music. Not bad, huh? Not good enough for the Irelands apparently. They've spent the years since their daughter actually grew up and became a legal adult doing everything from driving to her school unannounced to accusing her (wrongly of course) of promiscuity.
Poor kid, er, adult woman.
Parents, if you think your kid is that screwed up at 21, it's time to sit back and consider: whose fault is that? I mean, you raised that kid, didn't you?
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This is the problem with helicopter parenting in a nutshell: these sort of parents put so much effort into controlling their kids' every move that they forget that eventually they will grow up. And when they do, these no-longer-kids need to have developed the skills to survive. If they haven't: guess whose problem it is ...
Ding, ding, ding! The parents!
It's tempting to be controlling, to spy on your kids, to be up in their every bit of business. But it will only end up hurting everyone involved.
Aubrey Ireland seems to have made it out pretty OK, all things considered. Somehow, she escaped.
But her parents seem to be living the life of a typical empty nesting helicopter parent. You get to that point where your kids are grown up, and it's too late. You can't do anything but wonder: can they do it? Can they muddle through with the limited skills we gave them?
Stalking your adult kid like the Irelands have isn't a sign of the kid having done something wrong; it's a sign of a major parenting failure. These people can't even trust their (grownup) kid. If that's not a wake-up for the helicopter parents, I don't know what is!
Don't let your kid be the next one hauling you into court. You can still fix this!
Be honest, have you considered how your kids will fare in college without you? Think they will be able to do it?
Image via Steve Snodgrass/Flickr
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Comments 10
My mom and grandparents are just like this. The only way out is to be vocal about things - be real and straight with them, however it does (or in my case) cause irreparable damage to the family "unit" as a whole. Ours will never be the same, however I refused to be a "grown child" rather than a "grown adult" like my supressive family has tried to raise the rest. And the thing is? They STILL fail to see any problem on their end that what they are doing is life debilitating and forces everyone in the family to rely on them. TOTALLY WACK! GET OUT AND MOVE AWAY!!
I don't know if it's a parenting failure but more of a personal issue, so long as the kid is doing well. Not being secure enough to let your child be on their own ... or being so attached that you can't function without them? I feel bad for them.
No one can top my mother in law. She is the ULTIMATE helicopter parent. She literally wanted all her children to live with her forever... I mean literally. She wanted all her kids and their spouses to live with her and saw this as completely realistic.
We went to her house all the time, usually at least all day Sunday every week and multiple times during the week to help her or see her. When my husband proposed marriage, I was cut from the "family". But not before she came up to me in the local Walmart to plead a case about stealing her other son "back to the family." At that point, he had been married for 5 years and lived out of the house for longer, FYI. Unsurprisingly, she has done nothing wrong as a parent, ever. And does not know why some of her kids choose not to associate with her. Good for this girl... I have contemplated restraining orders, but moving states away worked just as well :)
My children are the most important thing in my life, but this is WHACKED. They need to seriously get a life! I can see parents being involved to a certain point in an adult child's life if the child is financially dependent on them in some way (tuition, etc.) but that is just to make sure that they're attending school so their money isn't being wasted, etc. You can control them to a certain degree when there are financial strings attached so the child needs to be prepared to be totally independent before they do anything drastic.
I love my daughter more than anything in this world. And after her father, my husband, passed away, it was just the two of us. We've become very close. She's in high school, and the day of her "leaving the nest" is getting closer and closer. And I know that will miss her terribly. However. I am of the firm belief that "the day we bring the baby home, is the day we start teaching them to leave us". If I've done my job half as well as I hope, she will be well-equipped to be on her own. She will be independent and self-supporting. She will be educated and kind. And hopefully she will still have the sense of importance of family and will visit often. Probably not as much as I'd like :) but often enough. But she needs to have her own life, and I hope sincerely that I'm strong enough to shut my big mouth and let her live it. Giving advice when asked, making suggestions when warranted. Tough line to balance, but my mom did it, and hopefully I will, too.
surprisemo06 - run now and run fast. If your husband will not put you and your child first now it will only get worse as his parents age. Give him a choice - you and your daughter somewhere other than his parent's property or he can stay with mommy and daddy without you.