One of the things that scares me the most about being a parent is all the pressures my kids are going to face when they become teenagers. Seriously, peer pressure? Scary stuff. I was there once; I remember. Add a driver's license, a car, and some alcohol into that mix and it's a teen drinking scenario that no parent wants to imagine.
So often we talk about how we are going to have the "sex talk" but what about the "alcohol talk"? My mom had the alcohol talk with me many times when I was younger. Yes, it often was followed with "See how your relatives get when they drink too much? Don't be like that." And I understood exactly what she meant. And never wanted to be like that.
Not all my relatives, of course. Just the ones with the drinking problem. So of course since I grew up around people who were alcoholics, it's a topic -- a potential situation -- that is often on my mind. Not my kids, I think. This cannot happen to my kids.
Wanting something not to happen though doesn't always make it not happen. And with drinking and getting drunk a rite of passage for teenagers, it's hard to stop. But it's been proven that having that talk with your kid helps. The Century Council, a national not-for-profit dedicated to fighting drunk driving and underage drinking, reports that 83 percent of kids says their parents are the biggest influencers on them to not drink alcohol. And that number is up 28 percent from when the stat was last released in 2003. How great is that!?
So even though our kids may roll their eyes when we want to talk about serious stuff, they are listening to us. The rest of the study revealed that 33 percent listen to friends/teachers, fear of punishment makes up for 28 percent, sibling influence comes in at 24 percent, and concern about breaking the law is 23 percent.
The big question is how do we talk about alcohol with them. Good conversation starters are when there is something in the news to jump off of and turn it into a learning. Or there could be something on TV or in a movie that brings up the topic of drinking. Of course if someone your child knows gets caught with alcohol, seize the moment to start the talk.
Have you had the alcohol talk with your kids yet? Any tips to share?
Image via Lenoid Mamchenkov/Flickr
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Comments 12
I just hated the taste so I never drank lol.
Kids are too little for a talk though.
What needs to happen is parents need to have the control of being able to allow their children to drink. How can we teach our children to drink responisbly if we cannot give them alchol or have drink with them? At 15 or 16 we should be able to have a glass of wine or a beer with our children, drinking with their parents will help children to first loose the stigma of drinking, two teach responsiblity (because smart parents will have one drink with their kids not a ton). Making teenagers wait until they are 21 is setting up a reckless situation. How can parents be told to control their children and yet have the control taken from them?
She's asked about it before going past it in the grocery store. We talked about how they're grownup drinks, that to drink it she has to be 21. And we talked about moderation. We'd already talked about moderation in other things (different foods, buying those tiny things from the quarter machines and so on) so this was just a continuation of that talk. For me, my uncle was a bad alcoholic and while I have drunk before, remembering him falling off his porch drunk into a pile of his own puke is what helps me keep my limit and not turn to it in times of sadness much. I've told my daughter stories of some of the crap he did back in the day. He's been sober for many years, but he's a good example because he's someone my kid knows.
I prefer to teach following the law/rules and keeping yourself in check rather than just not doing anything.
My son is only two, but when he's older I will also focus any "talks" we have about alcohol on moderation. I will also not expect him to wait until he's 21 - it's unrealistic at best. Alcohol will not be prohibited in my house.
And I will always argue the remedy for underage drinking is to lower or remove the age limit.
Living with an alcoholic makes this a more difficult topic. Yes, we have plenty of experiences to draw from, but he quit drinking before his actions really had any affect on our son. But the lasting impact is that we don't keep alcohol in the house. I've never been a drinker, and now my husband is dry, so I'm not sure how we'll handle the situation.
I hope that I am as practical as my parents, who didn't drink, either. They never shunned alcohol, and provided it for guests at parties, but they simply did not drink. I think that example showed me that it's ok to hang out and have a good time without getting drunk. That will play a big part in our talks.
I also would consider, as my son gets older, saying 'to hell with the law', and allowing him to drink in our house, under supervision, once he hits 16 or so, because I agree that it's far more practical to give the opportunity to "practice" than to just throw them out there with a "don't drink, honey!" attitude.
I live in Utah where the answer to teenaged drinking is "just hide it from them" (look up Zion Curtain)
I don't hide alcohol from my children. My kids know that it's an adult drink, and that the law says they can't have it until they are 21