Period Parties for Daughter's First Menses Are Sign Parents Have Truly Lost It

Rant 128

party balloonsOnce upon a time -- about a week and a half ago -- I thought I'd heard the worst in proud parenting moments. Potty parties -- throwing open the doors and inviting the neighbors to celebrate the fact that your kid took a dump in a toilet -- were the worst that this generation of parents overly impressed with their kids had to offer. I was wrong. Introducing: period parties.

Granted, in certain cultures, this isn't so unusual. There have always been formal ceremonies celebrating a girl's coming of age, but it is ridiculously over the top that now everyone and their hippy cousin is doing it.

It seems we've just gone from one bodily fluid to another, and OMG, it's much, much worse. Sometimes called "menarche parties" -- because apparently that's classier than sending out an invite that says, "Aunt Flo is finally in town for my girl, let's all get down and par-tay" -- are both officially "a thing" and officially a sign that parents have lost their ever loving minds.

I get it. Every girl gets her period. We are all members of the sisterhood, united in that one week out of the month when we feel like our body is revolting against us. Menses matters aren't going away any time soon (at least not until we hit about, oh, 45?). It's about darn time society get over the shaming females have to endure when they have to hide that little tampon packet in their hand and sneak off to the bathroom every few hours.

I'm just not convinced that inviting in the neighborhood to celebrate the fact that your daughter is now bleeding from her you-know-what is the way to do this (heads up to STFU Parents for alerting me to this, by the way ... I think?). It could be a good way to make her run, screaming, to her room, where she'll slam the door and refuse to come out until, oh, college? But as far as celebrating her entrance into the womanhood, it's far from optimal to have a chat with the whole fam and your friends about what comes out of her vagina.

Got that? Her vagina. Also known as her private area. You wouldn't want the neighbors talking about in any other context because that would be creepy and invasive.

Might I suggest a copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves, a hug, a heating pad, and a big box of chocolates instead? An honest, open talk about the realities of what is going on would be nice too.

The early days of menstruation are hard. They're confusing. They're often painful. And they're pretty much always disgusting. The last thing the poor kid needs is the neighbors coming in with box of Playtex in wrapping paper congratulating them on getting her period.

What would you have done if someone threw one of these parties for you?


Image via Natalie Maynor/Flickr

issues, puberty

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nonmember avatar Jesse

OMG, I would have died!! My mom sent me flowers when I got my period. Today I think it was sweet of her, but back then I was mortified with even that small gesture!

dirti... dirtiekittie

ugh. personally, i think it's gross. what, do they have red decorations or something? ICK. we can throw parties for lots of milestones, or just because we want to - - - but please, not for something like this. we don't need to hide in shame for that time of the month, but a welcoming party? Pass!

Rhond... RhondaVeggie

Quite honestly the whole town knew when I started anyway. The first time my mother went in to the local pharmacy to buy pads the cashier asked if they were for me which meant I was the topic of their usual coffee morning. At least a party would have meant I got presents while everyone was talking about my uterus.

Todd Vrancic

I don't know, having your daughter refusing to leave her room until college, maybe later might be some parents' dream! <joking>  I know my daughters would have KILLED us if we even considered that.  What's next, celebrating a boy's first nocturnal emission dream with a party?  Sorry to be so crude, but that seems to be just as invasive as a "menarche party."

sesam... sesamemom

Wtf? Who is doing this?

hotrd... hotrdumommy

I got a starter kit for my period and the "talk" from my mom which basically explained what was happening and what could happen if had sex with a guy. I was 11 so basically I just sat there wide eyed like "ewwww". If a party was thrown for me I might have to tell people where they could stick their pads and tampons and it wouldn't be where they are intended to go either.

heart... heartnhidin

Wth?!? That is creepy. If my mom did that I would have put myself up for adoption.

Katie... Katiekre40

hey .. its a reason to party... like we even need a reason lmao

Beths... Bethsunshine

I would have died of embarrassment! Thankfully, my mother is not a loon.

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