5 Things I Would Never Let My Teenager Wear

15

teen shortsLook, nobody ever accused me of dressing like a nun. So I know that if I lecture my daughter about short skirts or tight jeans when she hits her teens, the only thing I'll succeed in doing is convincing her I'm a hypocrite. But still, some of the girls (these kids today!) I see strutting their brand-new stuff around now make me want to throw a blanket over them.

It's not just that they're wearing super-skimpy clothes, it's that the clothes are revealing and abhorrently tacky. Looking sexy is one thing, looking like a stripper is another. Every time I see a teen in full streetwalker regalia, I just want to take her by the shoulders and say "Honey, have you seen Amy Fisher on Celebrity Rehab? Things did NOT work out well."

So it comes to this: My daughter will be allowed to wear tacky clothes in small doses (a bit of leopard print never hurt anybody) and skimpy clothes in classy doses (tasteful little black dress), but never the twain shall meet. You get what I'm saying? Here are 5 examples of clothes I would never let my teen daughter wear, unless of course we were really broke and she had to start stripping to help pay rent.

tube top

 

Because a white tube top doesn't scream Jersey Shore loud enough on its own, let's add the oh-so-original sentiment "I Heart My Boyfriend." Best accessorized with several large, prominent hickeys.

Wet Seal, $14.50.

 

 

 

 

leopard shorts

 

 

 

 

Here we are, a perfect example of when leopard doesn't work. Particularly with the "snakeskin" belt -- this ain't a safari, babe. And ladies, if the belt comes attached to the shorts? Don't go there. Just don't.

Charlotte Russe, $15

 

 

 

monokini leopard zebra

 

 

I repeat: This ain't a safari! Zebras and cheetahs don't mix well in the wild and they don't here, either. And though I guess this technically covers more skin than your average string bikini, it somehow manages to be 100% more trashy.

Wet Seal, $15

 

 

 

platform t-strap

 

 

I'll admit, this shoe would look great with any of the wardrobe pieces above ... and that's exactly why they're a horrible choice. I feel like this is what a girl would wear if she was transitioning from the Ice Capades to working as a shot girl in some off-the-strip Vegas joint.

Charlotte Russe, $25.50

 

 

pigtails

 

Nothin' says jailbait quite like a pair of pigtails! To really complete the look, why not just throw on a pair of overalls and stick a lollipop in your mouth? Even without the hoop earrings and eyeliner pictured here, pigtails are nothing but trouble for any girl older than 7, 8 at the most.

Image via Rob Lee/Flickr

 

 

 

 

Would you let your teen wear any of these looks?

 

Image via Audrey Pilato/Flickr

 

 

clothes

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1blue... 1bluemonkey

I'd wear the shoes, myself, with a pair of jeans and a button-down shirt.  My daughters have picked up my habits (Thank God!) of dressing conservatively, but only from the ankle up.  I love outrageous shoes, and they make a big statement if they're the only outrageous thing you have on!


All the rest, I pretty much agree with.  The pigtail girl just needs to do the duckface holding her own phone to take a picture of herself with a toilet in the background to be the ubiquitous FaceBook Slut. 


I go further, though, in things I won't let my teenage girls wear in public.  If the skirt is short, they have to be able to reach down and touch their toes without their hoohaa showing.  On the top, anything more than a handspan below the collarbone is too low to be taken seriously in public.  No skin showing in the middle unless you're swimming.  If the jeans are way tight, the top needs to be loose, if the top is tight, the bottoms need to be baggier; tight tops with tight pants look like you're trying to hard.  Makeup is there to enhance your features so you look like you look good without makeup, not for trying to impersonate a raccoon.  No visible bra straps, ever - it's called UNDERwear for a reason. And if it's white and spandex, it ain't happenin'. 

Allison Priest Leonard

I agree with everything except for the shoes and pigtails. If you dress modestly, shoes aren't going to make something immodest. Like the previous poster said, with nice jeans and a conservative blouse, those shoes would look great. And as for the pigtails, I think low, sort of messy pigtails with side bangs are cute. When they're up on the sides of the head like the girl in the picture, yeah that does sort of seem like stripper/porn star. I don't know of anyone that would wear them like that unless they're stripping, or for Halloween or something.

LikeA... LikeAVirgin

Those shoes are adorable! But the rest is just not cute lol except maaaayybee the shorts



nonmember avatar Gloria

I'm not embarrassed to say that I would totally wear those shoes. In fact, I'm seriously considering buying them now that I've seen them. I've always been a conservative dresser, but it's fun to have some interesting pieces to keep from being totally boring.

jmomm... jmomma2009

Wow - Totally don't understand the pigtail problem.  I'm 25 and a mother of two boys, and my hair is in pigtails pretty much all summer.

cocob... cocobeannns

I would totally wear those shoes.

Water... Water_geM

the shoes are fine...


but this wont be relevent im 10+ years...whokle new shock factor.

nonmember avatar sarah

Those shoes are not okay. :( Yuck. I could never take anyone, especially a grown woman, who wears Charlotte Russe seriously.

Kaila... KailaCheyenne

The thing with pigtails is, it's like a little girl style. Basically teen girls who wear them are trying to say "am I innocent, or is this a show?" Now I do agree, braided piggy tails aren't bad. I'm sixteen and I may consider those.

night... night.magic

I wish the clothes industry would not make such slutty looking clothes.

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