teen shortsLook, nobody ever accused me of dressing like a nun. So I know that if I lecture my daughter about short skirts or tight jeans when she hits her teens, the only thing I'll succeed in doing is convincing her I'm a hypocrite. But still, some of the girls (these kids today!) I see strutting their brand-new stuff around now make me want to throw a blanket over them.

It's not just that they're wearing super-skimpy clothes, it's that the clothes are revealing and abhorrently tacky. Looking sexy is one thing, looking like a stripper is another. Every time I see a teen in full streetwalker regalia, I just want to take her by the shoulders and say "Honey, have you seen Amy Fisher on Celebrity Rehab? Things did NOT work out well."

So it comes to this: My daughter will be allowed to wear tacky clothes in small doses (a bit of leopard print never hurt anybody) and skimpy clothes in classy doses (tasteful little black dress), but never the twain shall meet. You get what I'm saying? Here are 5 examples of clothes I would never let my teen daughter wear, unless of course we were really broke and she had to start stripping to help pay rent.

tube top

 

Because a white tube top doesn't scream Jersey Shore loud enough on its own, let's add the oh-so-original sentiment "I Heart My Boyfriend." Best accessorized with several large, prominent hickeys.

Wet Seal, $14.50.

 

 

 

 

leopard shorts

 

 

 

 

Here we are, a perfect example of when leopard doesn't work. Particularly with the "snakeskin" belt -- this ain't a safari, babe. And ladies, if the belt comes attached to the shorts? Don't go there. Just don't.

Charlotte Russe, $15

 

 

 

monokini leopard zebra

 

 

I repeat: This ain't a safari! Zebras and cheetahs don't mix well in the wild and they don't here, either. And though I guess this technically covers more skin than your average string bikini, it somehow manages to be 100% more trashy.

Wet Seal, $15

 

 

 

platform t-strap

 

 

I'll admit, this shoe would look great with any of the wardrobe pieces above ... and that's exactly why they're a horrible choice. I feel like this is what a girl would wear if she was transitioning from the Ice Capades to working as a shot girl in some off-the-strip Vegas joint.

Charlotte Russe, $25.50

 

 

pigtails

 

Nothin' says jailbait quite like a pair of pigtails! To really complete the look, why not just throw on a pair of overalls and stick a lollipop in your mouth? Even without the hoop earrings and eyeliner pictured here, pigtails are nothing but trouble for any girl older than 7, 8 at the most.

Image via Rob Lee/Flickr

 

 

 

 

Would you let your teen wear any of these looks?

 

Image via Audrey Pilato/Flickr