Well parents, it seems the smoking Smarties warnings are more than that. They're bona fide fact in the nation's schools. Which, when explained in detail, sounds like a more painful and trashy version of the Pixy Stix slamming we did back in the day. Basically, kids smash their Smarties, roll them up doobie style in the wrapper, and suck, hard, so the fine dust goes back in their mouth. They then blow it out like "smoke."
Gross, pointless, and yet something parents have been dealing with for several years (I know I first heard about it in the Wall Street Journal maybe three years ago?). And now it's time for it to come to an end. Your kids won't be pulled into the Smarties smoking trend. I have the guarantee.
Because according to the latest report on these hardcore candy addicts from a school in Michigan that has banned the treats entirely, in extreme cases, smoking Smarties can cause maggots to feed off the sugar-coated area in your nose. Oh, Yum-O!
I'll give you a second to recover from the little coughing attack -- something your "smarties" kid could also suffer, but they don't really care about that. Heck, warning them that they could aspirate part of the wrapper or an uncrushed chunk of candy hasn't stopped them. Telling them they could suffer infection or choke hasn't stopped this little habit either (just look at this video from a kid who puts warnings of health effects out there ... but does it ANYWAY):
But maggots. Yeah, that'll do quite nicely. So it's a rare side effect. I'm not telling you to LIE to your kids yes I am. I'm telling you to tell them an edited truth. Tell them the experts have linked being a jackass who just can't EAT the candy like normal folks to creepy crawly creatures wriggling around in the schnoz, which, as you well know, leads to NO ONE in high school ever wanting to date your buggy butt.
So, what do you think, have we uncovered the key? Will you be warning your kids their nose could be the next nesting place for the kinds of creatures that usually snack on fetid meat? Because if this is still a trend by the time my kid hits her tweens, you can bet I'll have this handy fact to trot out.
Image via SimplySteff/Flickr