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I Want Grown Men to Stop Checking Out My Tween!

by Janelle Harris on April 28, 2011 at 5:17 PM

Checking out girlsMy 12-year-old daughter is my height now. Okay, okay, she’s an inch and a half taller. (Sooo what? I’m still the boss!) She’s a pretty girl — and I’m not saying that just because she’s my kid. I’d think y’all would know by now that I’d tell the truth about it even if she wasn’t.

But she also happens to have quite the little figure popping up and out and all over the place, so aside from the normal panic the mother of a tween girl experiences when her baby starts sprouting every which away, there’s another issue out of my control. Skylar the Budding Brickhouse has guys of all ages checking her out. Of course I expect tween and teenage boys to look. But grown arse men? Eyes straight ahead, sir. 

(It’s worth noting here that I’ve seen big ol’ adult women leering at boys clearly young enough to be in high school, too. We aren’t innocent of it, either.)

There are always nasty, old, perverted dogs lurking on the sidewalks, crowing at the mall, catcalling from their seedy perches on steps and park benches so they can watch women walk by. I’ve experienced their gross-ness myself, particularly since I developed pretty quickly when I was about her age, too. (Yeah, she gets it from her mama. And I got it from mine. It’s a cruel, sucky cycle.)

It’s one thing to be on the adult end of it where I can roll my eyes and tell some ancient-looking fart about himself for being old enough to be my grandpa’s grandpa but trying to holler at me like he’s a fly, young thing. But it’s a whole other ballgame walking a few steps behind your own child, raised from Pampers to the present, and seeing some guy do a double take to look at her booty or stare all in her face as she strolls innocently by. She hasn’t picked up on it (yet), but it sets me off when a grimy middle-aged guy can’t keep his eyes to himself.

Despite Skylar being built like a young woman, she’s very much still a little girl. Nowhere on that child’s face does she look even close to being legal. You know what she looks like? A tall, stretched out 12-year-old. Perverts were a nuisance before, but now that I’m mama to a preteen daughter, they’re testing my patience in a whole new way.

I know I come off as a raving madwoman sometimes, but I’m actually pretty civil on the daily. So instead of racking up assault charges and a long list of dates for court appearances, I guess my alternative to physically reacting to men’s leering nastiness is to teach Skylar how to behave and carry herself like a lady instead of (God forbid) considering that kind of attention some form of absurd flattery.

I can’t control where guys rest their eyes and what they do in their personal man thoughts once they’ve landed on some poor young woman’s person, even if it is my child. But I can teach her how to shake them suckas off, especially since I won’t always be there to walk behind her and give dudes the “don’t even think about it or I’ll firebomb your man parts” look.

The looking still pisses me off, though. Just for the record.

Have you ever caught an adult staring way too long at your child? How did you handle it? Did you just let it slide?



Image via Funkdooby/Flickr

Filed Under: issues, puberty

Comments

68
  • Chalo...
    -- Facebook comment from

    Chalon Jones

    April 28, 2011 at 7:32 PM
    That is why I belive 12 year olds should still dres slike children. They can wear heals and make up and shave their legs in HS. Before that that is a no go. I am not saying the OP does not watch what her daughter wears but I just had a 12 year old in my medical office today with a full face of make up...low shirt boobs hanging out and dasiy dukes on. Can you tell I am not a fan :( but on the other hand all these hormones we allow our kids to eat make them hit puberty at a younger age.....IDK. But I am going with the HS thing before her legs may be seen by men lol
  • bills...
    --

    billsfan1104

    April 28, 2011 at 8:30 PM
    My daughters don't dress like whores, so I don't have anything to worry about. I think that too many girls, dress to old for their age(not accusing the OP of this). I also teach my daughters that their bodies are their temple and it is demanded that it be respected.
  • Littl...
    --

    LittleManMama

    April 28, 2011 at 9:26 PM
    Whoa billsfan. I can assure you that I have *NEVER* dressed like a whore and yet men leered at me when I was 12. This statement is as bad as saying a woman who was raped asked for it bc of what she was wearing. Newsflash, there are pervs out there even when girls are dressed modestly.
  • bills...
    --

    billsfan1104

    April 28, 2011 at 9:36 PM

    Little, that is not what I said.  But girls are dressing more and more inappropriate and they wonder why men dont respect them.  I am not saying that it is right or they  deserve to get raped.  What I am saying is that women and young girls, need to start respecting themselves more and stop expecting for men to be perfect gentleman, when you are dressed, looking like you are a street walker.  And as mothers or fathers, we need to start teaching our girls, that their bodies are to be respected at all times, and if you dress trashy, you attract trashy people. We need to put our foot down, when our girls aretrying to wear tank tops and daisy duke shorts and full on makeup.  We need to also teach our girls, that they are beautiful without dressing like that.


  • Beths...
    --

    Bethsunshine

    April 28, 2011 at 9:38 PM
    Whoa billsfan. I can assure you that I have *NEVER* dressed like a whore and yet men leered at me when I was 12. This statement is as bad as saying a woman who was raped asked for it bc of what she was wearing. Newsflash, there are pervs out there even when girls are dressed modestly.
    Exactly, so there is no reason to add fuel to the fire by letting your daughters ( I'm speaking generally here, because I have no idea if you have daughters or not) dress like hookers.  I was at Sears earlier today and walking past the little girls' clothing section, I mean LITTLE GIRLS, like maybe 5 or 6 years old, and there were bikinis!!! BIKINIS FOR KINDERGARTNERS!!!!! Absolutely disgusting.
    I don't have daughters, I have boys, but knowing that males are turned on by sight makes me want to throw a blanket over some of these half-naked girls I see strutting around. My boys are young still but it won't be too long until their hormones are raging. I will do my best to teach them that the most attractive girls are the ones who have enough self-respect to dress modestly and don't have all their business hanging out for all the world to see. A true lady DRESSES like a LADY, not like a five dollar hooker.

  • Fancy...
    --

    Fancy-Schmancy

    April 28, 2011 at 9:49 PM

    Bethsunshine -- When my daughter was 6, she was so tall that I had to choose between getting her a two piece swim suit and buying one that was either falling off around the body or creeping up her rear. Guess what? The two-piece won out. Keep your ideas of what is 'disgusting' for stuff that matters.

     


  • Littl...
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    LittleManMama

    April 28, 2011 at 9:56 PM
    When you say you have nothing to worry about since your daughters don't dress like whores, it does come across as though you are blaming the victim. I remember distinctly that stage in my life when I was playing with dolls still and yet men--GROWN men--began looking at me in ways that were uncomfortable. It happened 20 years ago before girls dressed too old for their age and happens now to girls regardless of how they dress. Girls dressing too skimpily is a serious issue but normal grown up men should not be thinking in that way when they see 12 yr old girls no matter what.
  • Beths...
    --

    Bethsunshine

    April 28, 2011 at 10:59 PM
    Fancy, yes because there are no bathing suits or cover ups for that matter that will cover a little girl's body. Yes it is disgusting for a child to show off their body and for a parent to let them do so.
  • Fancy...
    --

    Fancy-Schmancy

    April 28, 2011 at 11:22 PM

    Believe me, we tried to find a swimsuit to fit a very tall 6 year old. No luck.  And you want 6 year olds to wear cover-ups in the pool? What century are you visiting from?


  • blue_...
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    blue_glass_mama

    April 29, 2011 at 12:09 AM

    I unfortunatly found it a" form of absurd flattery", when I was 12-18, at times it was flattery, other times it was pushy men, and me know what to say so I just let them, or I didn't want to hurt their feelings(what a dummy I was), and that was along time ago, and I never dressed racy, or too old, I think that men are pigs and can sense someone with low self esteem, or someone already abused and not smart enough to say hell no get away!  MEN ARE PIGS, ITS NOT THE CLOTHES.
    It doesn't matter what the tween wears as long as her parents have told her that it is her body and not to let anyone touch it unless they are 100% okay with it, and to believe your child when it happens. When I was a tween, I didn't want people to get mad at me, I didn't want to hurt someones feelings, and when they did something to me, I thought I must be a slut and no one would believe me, or think I wanted it, I also knew it would be a he said she said thing and I was scared people would not side with me.


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