Being a mother of a daughter, there are plenty of fears that run through your head every day. That she'll throw away a promising future for a domestic abuser ranks right up there. And according to John Rosemond, she should!
That's the answer the advice columnist and author gave to the mom of a teenage girl with a boyfriend who spends his days mocking her and dismissing her accomplishments. In fact, Rosemond's exact words were "he’s a find! Do everything you can to keep him!"
The problem is that the boyfriend’s response to almost anything my daughter says is a cut or put-down, a dismissal of her accomplishment or mocking. . . Our daughter is an upbeat confident person by nature, but I know a constant stream of negativity will eventually wear down even the most self-assured person.
And here's the kernel of Rosemond's response:
He’s not into partying, playing video and online games, proving that he can drink more beer than his friends and still remain conscious, and dressing in oversized, ill-fitting clothes that make him look like a six-foot toddler. From your description, he’s a find! Do everything you can to keep him! So he has one annoying habit. OK. Can we all overlook this?
Systematically tearing down the self esteem of someone you love, heck, anyone, is not "one annoying habit," Mr. Rosemond. It's cruel, and any advice columnist worth the air he breathes would know it's also one of the chief signs of a domestic abuser (literally, it's NUMBER ONE on the Domestic Violence Hotline list).
And let's suppose it wasn't flat out abuse. Hold onto your man? What is this, 1950? She's a teenage girl with a wide future where she can meet anyone she wants. For that matter, even an 80-year-old woman doesn't deserve to be stuck with someone who puts them down and dismisses their accomplishments.
Rosemond touts himself as "America's most widely read parenting expert," but obviously having a lot of people ready your hogwash doesn't make it any good. John Rosemond can go on being proud of how many readers he has, but he just told a teen girl's mother that her daughter deserved to be abused because, well, gosh darnit, good men are hard to find. Apparently finding one at his house would be darn near impossible. Get yourself a copy of Ms. Magazine, Mr. Rosemond, and don't answer another letter until you've gotten through the archives.
Do you think this was good advice? Am I being too harsh?
Image via NMR Photo/Flickr