Sure, Facebook can be a great place for your kid to interact and socialize with friends, but it can get ugly in there and fast.
I just read this piece on Daily Mail called "The horrifying week I spent spying on my 11-year-old daughter's Facebook page," which pretty much gave every reason I need to believe that friending your kid -- younger teens in particular -- on Facebook is a good idea (and that 11-year-olds shouldn't be on Facebook to begin with -- it's not legal and they're too young).
But just because you friend your kid doesn't mean you have to become a nuisance. You need to stay cool (so your son or daughter can stay cool too). Here are five rules to follow when friending your kid on Facebook.
5 Rules When Friending Your Kid on Facebook
1. Make this part of the deal BEFORE your teen opens a Facebook account: It's best to make this a rule up front, so they don't feel policed later in the game. You can discuss that as your teen gets older, depending on their behavior, you will consider dropping off their friend list (in fact, I think this is a really good idea as your teen hits 16 and 17).
2. Keep quiet: It's best to just remain a silent observer if you're one of your kid's friends on Facebook. You're there to keep things on the up and up for your child, not to put your two cents in on every bit of your teen's social life. Parents can be a little embarrassing, in case you've forgotten. If you simply must respond, a simple "Like" every now and then will do.
3. Don't start friending all your kid's friends -- even if they invite you: It's best to let your kid's social circles be your kid's alone. Let them have their own friends. Don't be that mom.
4. If you see something negative happen, discuss it with your child offline: If you see someone cursing or name-calling or displaying some other inappropriate behaviors on your teen's Facebook, discuss them with your child offline. Don't jump into the middle of things on his or her wall. You can discuss with your teen what's best to do in the situation -- whether that means de-friending someone or having your kid talk it over with the person, on his or her own terms. Of course, if you feel there's a real danger -- predators, bullies, etc. -- you may have to take matters into your own hands, but even that doesn't have to occur online.
5. Remind your kid it's about safety: Remember, you're not there to invade your child's privacy or embarrass them (no, of course, they still won't understand). You're there for safety's sake only. Remind your child that everything online is public knowledge anyway, so they shouldn't be talking about other kids, being mean, or revealing private matters. All it takes is one of your friends logging on to show anyone else your wall and your remarks. In other words, if they can't say it in front of you, maybe it's not appropriate for a fairly public forum like Facebook.
Note: Be aware that there are Privacy settings on Facebook that allow you to block who sees certain things on your wall. For this reason, you might still want to pop your head over your kid's shoulder once in awhile.
Are you friends with your kid on Facebook? Do you follow these rules?
Image via mangpages/Flickr
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Comments 9
The Facebook age requirement is 13, which I believe is still too young. It can be a mature place to be and younger kids might not have the decisionmaking capabilities to be on it. I am not comfortable with the environment. Check out kidzworld.com, it is geared towards children, and see what you think. I know kids have gotten an overload of internet safety from parents and teachers but Facebook still seems too adult and "open" for me.
Sadly, I know of 6 and 7 year olds whose PARENTS have signed them up. What are they thinking?!
I know of many YOUNG kids with them. In fact I drive a school bus and kids in 6th grade and under have friend requested me. I will NOT accept anyone under 18. My reason is because while I can control what I write, I can't control my friends or their friends comments and I'm not taking the change of them seeing something they shouldn't.
When the time comes that I do let my now almost 11 yr old on ( a few years at best) on I will be going over these guidelines.
LKuetz, thanks for the name, I'm going look into it for her (after I check it out of course,lol)
My kids don't have Facebook. If they want to talk to their friends, they can use the phone.
NOPE, my kid is NOT on facebook!
All three of my kids are on facebook, 13, 16 and 17 as well as myself. We are all friends as well as other moms. It goes along with the saying "It takes a village to raise a child" I tell my kids when something is inappropriate and I would certainly tell one of their friends by message, not post, if something they were doing was not a good idea. Some kids don't have a parent that cares or is computer savvy, so if no one tells them what they are doing is not ok or lay out the possible consequences how are they to know. I am friends with some of my children's closer friends but not all and as a teacher I am not friends with any of my students; I tell them as soon as they graduate they can request me, I'd love to keep in touch but not while they are in school. It is also a great way to share pictures with folks without printing them off.
My son is on FB and we are friends, he is 19. My girls are not and won't be until they are much older.
I have to weigh in. I'm a 19 year old college student. I figured that accepting my mother's friend request wouldn't be a big deal. But now that I've found out about her exchanges with friends of mine who she has never met, where she sent them messages trying to guilt them into friending her, I've blocked her. She has made several people uncomfortable through my Facebook page, and I find this completely inappropriate. I have asked her to stop, and yet she continued. This is par for the course with her. She's very upset with me for defriending her, and I just want to keep the peace. I'm a responsible person; I never drink, smoke, or do drugs. There is no reason for me to friend her again if I have to keep putting up with her behavior. Thoughts?
I am friends with my son and a few of his friends and his wife and some of her friends and family. I used to talk to my DIL a lot more than I do now. I try to lay low on her page, I think she does not like to hear from me on there. I don't really respond to her pics anymore either. My son does not get on much.