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    Hey baby, it's cold outside! Polar vortexes will do that to the weather, I suppose. Since misery loves company, I can't even imagine the number of texts flying around the country of people kibitzing about the cold.

    More from The Stir: 6 Awkward & Hysterical Autocorrect Fails Sent to the Boss (PHOTOS)

    Of course, typing with numb fingers isn't easy, as evidenced by some pretty hilarious autocorrect fails.

    Here are seven awesome mis-texts about the cold weather.


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    Have you ever handed your iPhone to your kid to occupy them for a bit while you got some work done, did the dishes, or hid in the bathroom with a chocolate bar and a gossip magazine? And then been horrified that your little munchkin somehow got into the app store and charged an arm and a leg that you were then responsible for?

    You may be off the hook. Apple has agreed to pay back $32.5 million in unauthorized purchases to the app store. You know, like the ones made to “Dragon Story” and “Tiny Zoo Friends.”

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    How’s that Polar Vortex treating you? Are you frozen solid yet? How many layers of clothing are you wearing? Did you give up altogether and wear ski clothes to the office? Is blood still circulating in your fingertips, or have they become useless on touchscreens?

    It might not matter if your fingers are too cold to work your smartphone anyway, since apparently they hate the cold as much as us humans. Just like us, iPhones in freezing temps are drained of their energy much more quickly than when at comfortable temps, and if it gets too cold, they just shut down completely.

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    Want an example of the power of a simple text? Recently in New Jersey, a student sent a message to a parent that reportedly suggested someone was bringing a gun to school. Understandably, that mom was so alarmed that she contacted the police, who then put three local high schools on lockdown for three hours. Just one problem: it was a complete miscommunication caused by the kid's autocorrect function.

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    Sometimes I have no idea how I’d manage without the proverbial “electronic babysitters” known as the TV, the iPhone, the computer, and the tablet. Actually I don’t have a tablet, but I do have a 4-year-old iTouch and that’s basically the same, right?

    Anyway, there are times when I just need to keep the kids out of my hair. As a single mom, I don’t have anyone to hand them off to for a few minutes of “sanity time” at the end of the day. When they’re with me, it’s just them and me, and if I need to get something done, it’s so easy to sit them down and tell them they can watch a show if they agree on it.

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    Flip phone users of the world, unite! How many of you are out there? Nine? Ten people reading this? Well, count me in as a usually ashamed proud old school phone user who refuses to update to a smartphone. Ah, but today I've never felt better about my decision to live like it's 1997. It turns out my chances of being robbed are close to nil -- thanks to my crappy phone. A 25-year-old man was walking with a friend through Central Park in New York City when an armed robber threatened to kill him if he didn't turn over his possessions. When the man produced a flip phone, the mugger basically rolled his eyes, threw the phone back at the man in a huff, and stormed off. 

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    Ever want to say something to that annoying person who is loudly and incessantly talking on their cell phone in public? Yea, me too. They don't care where they are or who is around. Nevermind the fact that we don't want to hear about their latest catfight, annoying mother-in-law, deadbeat brother, or jackass boss. If it annoys you, too bad, they just keep on chatting. Now, there is a way to get back at all those selfish, cell phone users. It's called "Cell Phone Crashing." Take a look at this ingenious way of teaching them a lesson they won't forget.

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    Holiday stress got you down? Fear not, dear friend, Autocorrect is here. Holiday edition.

    More From The Stir: 6 Hilarious & Inappropriate Holiday Autocorrect Fails (PHOTOS)

    Whether you're simply having a bad day at work, or are breaking out into a cold sweat, trying to figure out what to get your pain-in-the-arse mother-in-law for Christmas, these 8 hysterical autocorrects, compliments of the iPhone, will instantly put you in a better mood.

    Here are 8 hysterically inappropriate holiday autocorrect fails.

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    Criminals these days just can't seem to get enough of themselves. Instead of stealing, looting, or doing whatever else it is they do and then just trying to get away with their actions -- you know, behavior you'd expect from your typical criminal -- they are finding it difficult to peel themselves away from all forms of social media. And nothing could make police any happier, I'm guessing. 

    Take Dupree Johnson, for example. The 19-year-old Florida teen already had a pretty lengthy rap sheet that included grand theft, burglary, and felony possession of a firearm. Perhaps he could have built a strong enough defense to get away with his crimes -- who knows? And we'll never know. Because the publicity hound dug his own grave and did the world a favor by posting photos on his Instagram that showed him holding guns and items he allegedly stole. 

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    Cell phone laws on the road are annoying as all get out (it’s already illegal to be a bad driver, people), so when I heard that a comedian in Los Angeles tried to pull a fast one on the cops by baking iPhone cookies, I laughed.

    Randy Liedtke baked some pretty realistic-looking iPhone cookies, and then trolled the streets for cops while pretending to talk into one or texting on it. He live-tweeted it, which just goes to show how mutli-talented he is, being able to drive, fake text, and live tweet all at once.

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