America, today's the day! If you haven't yet signed up for health insurance, the deadline is TODAY. So head on over to HealthCare.gov and ... uh oh, whoops. Um, this is so embarrassing ... apparently HealthCare.gov went offline for six hours earlier this morning. Then it came back, stronger than ever! Except not so strong, because it crashed again around noon. Oh wait -- it's back up again now! Give it a try? At this point you have a 50-50 chance of being able to complete an application.
Those of you who started an application only to have the website crash on you in the middle of the process, you should have received an invitation to try again. I believe it looked something like this ...
Dear Frustrated American Who Just Tried to Sign Up for Health Insurance,
On behalf of President Obama and the entire United States Department of Health and Human Services, we would like to cordially extend an invitation for you to complete your application. And we're extending the deadline for you! So please come back.
Baby, we're sorry we keep letting you down. We didn't mean for that to happen. We just want you to give us one more chance. We'll make it up to you, promise. Just please sign up. Please? PLEASE?!???
Kathleen and Barry
Here's an invitation the White House is sending to people who have heard all about the website glitches and are too skeptical to even try signing up.
The Health Insurance Marketplace is a happy place where you can find an affordable health insurance option that meets your needs. It's kind of a cross between a farmers' market (so many healthy options) and a unicorn. Does it really exist? Maybe! You just have to believe. Go to HealthCare.gov to find out if this magical, mystical virtual world truly exists.
Follow the rainbow to the pot of gold! Or to your perfect health plan, as the case may be.
The White House
And here's the invitation going out to people who refuse to sign up on principle.
We get it. You hate Obamacare because of socialism and whatnot. You're living off the grid, drinking the raw milk from your own dairy cows. You shoot and grow all your own food. You know how to splint your own leg when you break it. You don't need Obamacare! Also, you don't have Internet access because it's just the government's way of exercising mind control over Americans --
Wait, how are you reading this email, then?
Please sign up for a health plan. Just do it, you stubborn old kook.
Do you think more people would have signed up if the HealthCare.gov website had been working better?
Image via HealthCare.gov