The next time you break up with your significant other, make sure not to do it in front of a comedian -- or anyone for that matter. Because nowadays, the whole messy thing is liable to end up on the Internet. Live from New York ... it's breakup on a rooftop! Comedian Kyle Ayers was enjoying some alone time on his Brooklyn rooftop when he was interrupted by the inconvenient presence of two hipsters doing the breakup dance. So he did what any smartphone-carrying 24-7 connected person does in the 21st century -- he tweeted the whole breakup.
"A couple is breaking up on my roof right now" is how Kyle started the saga. "I will now live tweet the breakup." He gave it the hashtag #rooftopbreakup.
The couple, Rachel and "guy," start off the argument in the typical way, girl wants more than guy.
"I'm not looking for marriage, just what's right below marriage," says Rachel, tossing down the gauntlet. What is "right below marriage"? Apparently living together, but "guy" is not digging that idea.
"Your roommates are fucking assholes," he says. "Then don't let me live with them then!" she counters. Good point.
Then they get to the crux of the matter -- a text message that "guy" had exchanged with another girl. "It's a text from my coworker! A work text," he claims.
When she demands to see the text, "guy" slithers out of that one. "You don't need to see my phone to trust me," he says, slimily. Get the phone, girl.
Other issues that crop up include when the girl wants a baby, the guy's wardrobe, and whether or not the pair are going to order pizza.
"Why don't you get pizza with 'someone from work texts?'" -girl (holy shit good burn right there) #roofbreakup— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013
Finally, Rachel stops letting him stall and asks him point blank whether they will move in together. His answer is straight out of the passive-aggressive man's handbook of avoidance tactics:
I can't think in terms of like, time and shit, Rachel ... But what is, like, living together? Like what's an apartment mean? You know what I'm saying?
No, no one knows what you're saying.
Finally, Rachel breaks up with him and storms off, leaving him to text furiously into his phone.
Welllllll ... that was FUN! I actually remember the days when you could have screaming arguments whenever and wherever you wanted and NOBODY TWEETED THEM.
Nowadays, you can't even break up in the privacy of your own car without someone filming it and sticking it online. Maybe most people won't know who this couple are, but people who know where this comedian lives will probably be able to figure it out. I wonder how he'd like his next private conversation -- maybe with his mom -- live tweeted.
The upside is that when "guy" tries to twist the conversation around later on (as you know he will do), Rachel will have a written record of his doucheyness that she can reread to find the strength to stick to her guns.
Do you think this was an invasion of privacy or just good fun?
Image via Joshwept/Flickr