A Facebook status update isn't merely a Facebook status update. It's a series of words strung together that need decoding. In fact, when you sign up for Facebook, they should just send you one of those transparent red sheets of paper that you use in board games to reveal the word that's hidden. You could hold it over your screen and the real meaning behind the status update would appear.
Here are 5 Facebook status updates, and what the person is really saying.
1. Status update: A photo with any variation of the accompanying message: "No makeup lol"; "#nomakeup"; "Make-up free #dontcare #whatever".
What it really means: "I'm feeling insecure so I decided to post a photo of me with less makeup than usual (but a filter and very good lighting), and what I'd really like is for you to write a comment along the lines of "Wow!"; "You look amazing!"; or "Sweet baby jesus, can anyone get in touch with Nicholas Cage or John Travolta, because I'd love to know how to pull a Face Off switcharoo with you!"
2. Status update: Something vague about friends or relationships; IE, something along the lines of: "Today I found out who my real friends are."
What it really means: I want to tell people that I hate my best friend's guts, but I don't want to outright say it, so when she confronts me, I can be all, "Wait are you talking about, you psycho?" Also, I want people to ask me what's going on. Ask me, ask me, ask me!
3. Status update: Anything that's really mundane with the hashtag #blessed. IE, "Just ran out and picked up some toilet paper #blessed"
What it really means: I really have nothing exciting going right now, but I want people to remember me, and I want them to think every teeny aspect of my life is meaningful to me.
4. Status update: The non-update that just features a FourSquare location, along with 200 tagged people.
What it really means: I have friends! Lots of friends! And look at you, home at your computer bahahahahaha!
5. Status update: A vacation pic of the updater lying on a beach -- in real time. (Note: This is typically a "legs while tanning" pic)
What it means: I'm not really relaxed and enjoying this gorgeous location. I'm thinking about how I want my Facebook friends to be jealous.
Do you have anything to add to the list?
Image via Quotes Everlasting/Flickr