Back in the days of yore, it was glossy magazines that made us all feel like crap about ourselves. Now it's Facebook. With the Internet's uncanny ability to allow people to manipulate reality, Facebook has now become the virtual version of a perfectly airbrushed photo spread, where two gorgeous models and their gorgeous model toddler are throwing their heads back in a fit of laughter, exposing their perfectly white teeth.
What's so funny? Why do I feel like an outsider looking in?
That's how a lot of people feel after perusing Facebook for a few minutes. But they shouldn't. Because it's lies! All lies, I tell you!
Here are 5 lies your Facebook friends tell that make you feel like a loser.
1. My kids are sooo well-behaved. Aw. You see all those photos of smiling children, sitting perfectly with their hands folded in their laps like little angels in a restaurant? Yeah, they probably raised hell the moment that photo was snapped. Remember, it only takes a moment to take a picture. Anyone's kids can behave for a moment. Even yours!
2. My life is so exciting, exotic, and fun, fun, fun! Of course people are going to take photos of their vacations and parties they've attended, because why not? Who takes photos of themselves sitting on the couch in their pajamas, watching a Laguna Beach marathon, eating cereal out of the box? No one I've ever seen on Facebook. Though a photo like that once in a while would be weirdly fascinating, don't you think?
3. I'm so beautiful, and I'm perfectly content, laying here on my bed, looking forlornly into a camera while the light filters in perfectly. Filters, people. I'm talking about filters. Most selfies are doctored up these days via Instagram, Hipstamatic, or some other photo editing app. A candy wrapper on the street would look good through a filter.
4. I'm in a relationship that rivals the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge's. A few years ago, if someone sent you flowers, what would you do? You'd probably call the person to thank them, then just ... enjoy the flowers, right? That's not how it works anymore. Now, when people get flowers or Whitman's Samplers, it's straight to social media to accompany a braggadocious caption. While it's nice that people are in lurve, what kind of person do you think feels the need to immediately brag about their love token online? Hmmm ...
5. I'm an awesome cook/I'm always eating things more delicious than you. If there's anything that rivals the amount of kids' photos on Facebook, it's pictures of food. And I'm yet to see someone post of pic of the styrofoam container of ramen noodles they're about to dig into. Just sayin'.
Does looking at Facebook ever make you feel bad about yourself?
Image via Barry Pousman/Flickr