If there were ever a book written on the different types of Facebook users, it would probably be a hundred pages long. Maybe 105. And in this book, there would be subdivisions. And one of these subdivisions would be the types of moms you'll find on Facebook.
Luckily, since I have an in at Knopf, I received an excerpt from this imaginary book, and I'm happy to share it with you.
Here are the 5 types of moms you'll find on Facebook. Are you one of them?
1. The Complainer. The Complainer mom does just what her title says: Complains. "Walked in from work, then immediately gave the kids dinner, then a bath, and now am about to read them a story. When can I relax?" "Finally got Katie down for a nap, now it's time to do bills -- fun times!" She's not the most fun Facebook user in the world, and at some point, you may or may not consider hiding her.
2. The Super Mom. Everything on the Super Mom's page is about her kids -- and everything looks like it was plucked directly from Pinterest. Her children are always dressed perfectly; the meals they're eating are perfectly well balanced and usually are arranged in some "fun" manner; and you've never, ever seen a photo where both of her kids aren't beaming from ear-to-ear. You may secretly resent the Super Mom, but you won't ever be able to unfriend her -- because you're kind of obsessed.
3. The Mom Who's Never With Her Kids. Wait, is she even a mom? Where are her children? Who watches them? Every time she posts something, she's either at the gym; out to dinner; or off on a romantic weekend with her husband -- sans kids. She's an enigma, and don't be surprised if you find yourself stalking her profile on occasion.
4. The Mom Who Can Talk About Nothing BUT Her Kids. How did she exist before she had children? What did she do? What did she talk about? It's hard to imagine her ever being childless.
5. The Sanctimommy. Yes, the sanctimommy sadly is on Facebook, too. She doesn't only lurk in the depths of chat rooms and, ahem, mom blogs. On Facebook, she will tell you, passive aggressively, how everything she's doing is right, and everything you're doing is wrong. Feel free to unfriend.
Do you see any of these moms on Facebook?
Image via Mike Licht/Flickr