The Internet's really something, isn't it? Not only is it a place you can watch cat videos until your eyes bleed Kitty Litter, it's a place where you can lie. And lie. And lie, and lie, and lie, and lie.
You can make it seem like you're a spinal surgeon living in Dubai when, really, you're an out of work ceramics instructor living in your brother's basement. And also -- you can make it seem like you're a good mom. Actually, scratch that. You can make it seem like you're a great mom. The best of the best. The kind of woman who makes June Cleaver look like Octomom.
Don't believe me? Here are 5 ways you can make it seem like you're the world's best mom on the Internet.
1. Only document the good. Yes, parenthood is mostly good. But you know what else it is? A sh*tshow. Literally and figuratively. There are temper tantrums. Poop, lots of poop. And bouts of crying peppered throughout the day. Don't post any of that online. Only post photos when your kids are smiling and your hair looks great.
2. Post photos of sleeping babies. Nothing looks more serene and peaceful and beautiful than a picture of a sleeping child. Sure, they may have finally fallen asleep after four hours of crying. But none the wiser on Facebook.
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3. Post photos of you and your family out and about town. Getting out of the house with kids is no easy feat -- especially small children. There are bags to be packed; carseats to lug to and fro; and of course once you get to your destination, this one has to pee, that one needs a drink. It's chaos. But thanks to the power of photography, you can capture a single moment when everyone is smiling and satiated and it'll look like the whole thing was a breeze.
4. Post photos of food. If it's take-out, there's no rule that you have to say you didn't make it. Be vague. Don't include a caption. Let others deduce that you're Julia Mother Effing Child. It's not like you're lying. You're just omitting.
5. Only post when you're in a good mood. Venting on Facebook and Twitter is commonplace, but if you want the peoples thinking you're a World's Greatest Mom mug incarnate, resist the urge. Only update your status when you're feeling loved up and mushy. Your friends will look at your profile and think, "Damn. That lady's a good mom."
What do you think of this?
Image via Bob Jaggendorf/Flickr