5 Brutal Facebook Comebacks (& 5 More We'd Like to Post)

LOL 16

We talk a lot about which Facebook updates are the most annoying, but let's be honest: it's downright petty to criticize what other people share. Who cares what people post on their own personal accounts, right? If we don't like what someone has to say, we have all sorts of useful options -- like unfriending, hiding their updates, or, you know, not using Facebook altogether.

That SAID (oh, you know I wasn't ending things there, right?), there are times when the most tempting response is a bitchy one. Buzzfeed recently did a roundup of some of the best Facebook comebacks, and the results are HILARIOUS. Check out these top 5 comebacks from their list … and 5 of my own snarky zingers we'd all secretly love to post in response to those oh-so-annoying updates.

More from The Stir: 10 Surefire Ways to Be That Obnoxious Facebook Friend

The breastfeeding-brag comeback of the year:


Oh, Emily:



Well, THIS was awkward:

Worst. "Help." Ever.


Only 87 likes???


And speaking of comebacks, here are a few more I'd secretly love to see pop up next to the most irritating statuses:

The rhetorical question status update. "Is it Friday yet? LOL."

What we'd like to say: "According to the Gregorian calendar which is the internationally accepted civil calendar that was first adopted in 1582 ... no."
What we really say: "Hahaha I wish!"


The fitness humblebrag.
"I just ran 27 miles, whew! Can I have a cookie now?"

What we'd like to say: "Only if that cookie contains an ingredient that seals your brag-hole shut for at least a week."
What we really say: "OMG of course! Have a whole box!"


The annoying inspirational quote.
"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!"

What we'd like to say: "Awesome. Let us know when you're done counting to infinity."
What we really say: "So true!"


The oversharing kid photo. "Check out Muffy's crib -- SOMEONE learned to take her diaper off during naptime! Ha ha ha!"

What we'd like to say: "Congratulations, you must be so proud! That fecal art is worthy of the MoMA."
What we really say: "Oh man! Try duct tape?"


The "hilarious" e-card share.

What we'd like to say: "Original humor is SO overrated, isnt' it?"
What we really say: *crickets*

Have you ever seen a truly memorable Facebook comeback?

Images via Buzzfeed, Ed Yourdon/Flickr

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Bloom... Bloomie79

I can turn alchole I to regret... F'n awesome! 

jalaz77 jalaz77

Haha. These are funny. I LOVE stfu parents site. Man there are some dumb ass women out there.

SuzyB... SuzyBarno

One of my old co workers once posted on her fb page about how much money she saves because she is an awesome breastfeeder. It's kinda like, ok make everyone who bottle fed feel like shit. Another friend posted on Mother's Day "happy mother day to all my baby wearing, breastfeeding and co sleeping mommies". I almost responded to her, "what about the rest of us?" Lol!

tuffy... tuffymama

I'm a big ol' breast feeding proponent, and that "super hero I make milk" crap is just STOOPID. You're not a damn superhero for producing a substance virtually all female (and some male) mammals can produce and emit from their evolutionarily specialized sweat glands! Ugh. People. That response to such silliness was CLASSIC.

nonmember avatar Susan

I saw one recently that said something like "friend, boyfriend, girlfriend all end only family is forever" and in the comments someone wrote "my dad left us". Lolz! I like the alcohol into regret one. I used to be pretty good at that too!

Alicia Anne Yadock

reading these comments didn't just confuse me... it was just painful

Lesley McKissick

Um, yeah... being able to produce breastmilk is a much more useful thing than ''turning alcohol into regret''; that one was just plain stupid.

Fondue Fondue

Yes, Lesley, but it doesn't make you a superhero.  Hell, cows and every other mammal on the face of the earth produce milk, but you don't see them bragging about their superpowers, do you??  (Now I'm picturing a cow in a Superman suit flying high above the city)

femal... femaleMIKE

If I know you really really well, I will answer you in a fresh and sarcastic way.


Maybe the bf mother feels really really proud.  What if she was one of those women who wasn't able to do it first time around and this time and she is happy. I would have just given her the "thumbs up" and kept on moving.  


The inspirational quotes really bring out the sarcasm in me.  I just hate cliches.

femal... femaleMIKE

The response are funny (even the alcohol into regret) !!!!!!!

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