You're coughing, sneezing, barfing, feverish, aching, and you can't get out of bed. You feel like microwaved baboon ass, and the only thing that could improve matters -- aside from an instantaneous cure that can be administered via chocolate cupcake -- is blaming the thoughtless jerk who gave you the flu in the first place.
Welcome to "Help: My Friend Gave Me The Flu," a new Facebook app that does its level best to figure out which of your so-called "friends" infected you with this miserable disease. It won't actually speed your recovery time, but it might make you feel a tiny bit better to focus on plotting your evil revenge.
That app works by scanning your Facebook feed for status updates that reference signs of illness along with check-ins at health care facilities and late night status updates. For instance, one of your friends posted something at 3 AM about being up all night coughing, they just might be your own personal Patient Zero.
"Help: My Friend Gave Me The Flu" then gives you a list of suspicious persons, ranked in order of how likely it is that they made you sick. Here's what my results looked like when I tried the app:
(Names blurred to protect the virulent.)
Once you narrow down your contagious frenemy, you can post the results to Facebook or Twitter. Because they deserve it for contributing to this creepy reenactment of The Stand that's going on all over the country, right?
Of course, this is all in good fun -- the app was created by Help Remedies, and it's mostly intended as a lighthearted diversion from lying around praying for the sweet release of death. After all, if you're sick, you may as well throw some friends under the bus that hit you.
Have you tried the Help: My Friend Gave Me the Flu app yet? Does it seem accurate at all?
Images via Facebook
Pens, pencils, markers, etc.