Let me ask you something. When was the last time you took a bubble bath? How many minutes did you work out at the gym today? What exactly went into making your breakfast smoothie this morning? Do you find it weird that I'm asking? Well, I find it weird that you tell me. Every single day. On Facebook.
Look, I'm not really your friend. That term is used very loosely on Facebook. Odds are we met in elementary school and I only really talked to you once or twice during recess. That said, I don't need a play-by-play of your oh-so-fascinating life.
That obnoxious Facebook friend. We've all got them -- we hate them, but we don't defriend them. They're like a car crash: you just can't look away.
So, last year I compiled this list of things that obnoxious Facebookers do -- and I thought that was enough. But lo and behold, you crazy cats just gave me 10 new things to add.
You definitely are an obnoxious Facebook friend if ...
1. You're hashtag crazy. I know you're #happy and you're wearing #prettyshoes, but you are #reallyfrigginannoying so please #stop.
2. You're getting married. I totally get why you're excited. It's a big deal. Congrats, by the way. But I don’t need to know the moment you ordered your flowers, decided on your napkin holders, or took your last single-girl poop.
3. You lost your phone. I find it very odd when people lose their phones and think it's acceptable to create invites with 563 of their closest friends asking for their digits. Jeez, buy me a drink first.
4. You have a to-do list. Wow, you really have to drive your baby to daycare, mow the lawn, AND make dinner all before 6 p.m.? Gosh, it truly is a wonder how you find the time to Facebook as much as you do!
5. You "check-in" everywhere. Maybe if you're somewhere that's worth sharing ... like the moon, or the North Pole ... but other than that, I really, REALLY don't care that you're at the gynecologist.
6. You take photos of flowers. Your husband is a gem, you know that? But ask yourself this. If you get a bouquet of roses, and you don't post a photo on Facebook, did you really get a bouquet of roses?
7. You post song lyrics as statuses. Listen, I'm not a detective. If I have to work that hard to figure out what you’re trying to say, I’ll just move on. Weirdo.
8. You're think you're a weatherman. Not sure why I even bother watching the weather reports on TV since 85 percent of my Facebook friends are meteorologists.
9. You're a Debbie Downer. You lost your wallet, taped over your favorite episode of The Bachelor, AND got a parking ticket? Wah-waaaah. Calm down, Debbie.
10. You post random sad photos and make me feel bad. Of course I'd like to save that dog's life, but I'm almost positive that liking the photo will do NOTHING of the sort. Sorry.
More from The Stir: The Reason You Keep Updating Your Facebook Status Is So You Don't Feel Alone
What do your obnoxious Facebook friends do that drive you crazy?
Image via SimonQ/Flickr
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Comments 41
I hate it when people post about their kid's bodily functions. I think that "Joey is sick" is enough, rather than, "Joey threw up all over the couch". Gross. Also, pictures of food. Pictures of food never turn out good and the food always looks disgusting. Who cares what you are eating anyway?
The check in, omg the check in. I had a friend last week who checked in everywhere she was during the day she buried her mother. Yes, she checked in at the funeral home, at the gravesite, at the wake, every damn place and I was horrified. OK so maybe not all daughters have the relationship I have with my mother where I can't imagine being able to get out of bed if my mother died let alone think about checking facebook but for the love of god does your common sense not stop you from doing this kind of thing?!?!
Also blogging about how annoying people are and SURELY hawking and broadcasting it on YOUR facebook is obnoxious too.
The sad photo facebook poster is the worst! Seriously, just ruin my day right then and there why dontcha'?
Here's the beautiful thing about facebook; if someone posts stuff that bothers you or that you do not like you can unsubscribe from their updates or even -gasp- remove them as a friend and get on with your life! I generally do not complain that much about what people post on facebook, because first of all it's not serious business to me lol. I do get annoyed by people who are constantly checking in though, I don't need to get a notification on my phone at 1 am that says you just checked in at home. Really?
The #hashtag CRAP DRIVES ME CRAZY! It's Facebook, people, NOT TWITTER! It's so annoying! I also really hate the people who post pictures of their every meal or describe their entire day in detail, three times! Or, there are the ones who feel the need to post and REPOST everything. Like, yeah, thanks for telling me AGAIN! I saw it on his page, her page, AND your page. ENOUGH already! I could go on and on, really. If I think of more, I'll come back. Haha.