"I love BIC Cristal for Her! The delicate shape and pretty pastel colors make it perfect for writing recipe cards, checks to my psychologist (I'm seeing him for a case of the hysterics), and tracking my monthly cycle. Obviously, I don't use it for vulgar endeavors like math or filling out a voter application, but BIC Cristal for Her is a lovely little writing utensil all the same. Ask your husband for some extra pocket money so you can buy one today!"
Oh, BIC. Did you really think you could launch a pen "just for her!" and not expect a snarky response from the Internet? Or maybe this was all part of your diabolical plan to generate free publicity for a pen with "a thin barrel to fit a women's hand"?
Either way, the pastel-toned ballpoint has racked up over 600 hilariously tongue-in-cheek reviews on Amazon alone. BIC's fancy lady pen may be the latest product to spark Amazon reviewers' creativity, but it's not alone—check out these 5 other famous fake-feedback items:
The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee. This "hand dyed shirt featuring a stunning screen print of 3 wolves howling at a moon" has pulled in over 2,200 reviews, each funnier than the last.
This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. — B. Govern
Unfortunately I already had this exact picture tattooed on my chest, but this shirt is very useful in colder weather. — Overlook1977
I had a two-wolf shirt for a while and I didn't think life could get any better. I was wrong. Life got 50% better, no lie. — Seth G. Macy
Tuscan Whole Milk: 1 Gallon. Let's start by noting that this milk costs a minimum of $45, and one seller is charging $2,500 but offering to include "a real live cow on front porch" with purchase.
One should not be intimidated by Tuscan Whole Milk. Nor should one prejudge, despite the fact that Tuscan is non-vintage and comes in such large containers. Do not be fooled: this is not a jug milk. — Philip Tone
Initial set up of the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz is easy, just unscrew the cap and remove the liner. It has a surprisingly rich set of standalone and integrated food possibilities and the addition of vitamin D was a bonus. However, I find that this product quickly becomes unstable (even without overclocking) to the point that it is no longer usable. At first I tried passive cooling to prevent the degradation, but ultimately had to switch to an active cooling method to prolong the products usefulness. This is the worst kind of planned obsolescence, requiring you to replace this product every two weeks whether you use it or not! — Greg Peterson
Has anyone else tried pouring this stuff over dry cereal? A-W-E-S-O-M-E! — J. Fitzsimmons
Very Best Of: David Hasselhoff. If you're going to buy a David Hasselhoff CD, you probably want "the very best," right?
I am confident that the revolutionary sounds of David Hasselhoff will lead my country towards progress. It is only him who has the power to reach us all and cast a spell on our souls. — J. Trading
David Hasselhoff may not be Richard Dean Anderson, Geraldo Rivera, not even Tony Danza, but he surely is the savior of the music industry, a man who truly dare to go where no other has gone. — Oswaldo Graziani
Zubaz Pants (XXL, Purple Zebra). "Versatile use as Gym Workout Pants or Casual Wear." Haaaaa.
You can easily go commando in these and feel even more manly. Your junk swings freely and using the restroom is that much easier. — Alan Schmidt
Not since my audition for the "U Can't Touch This" video have I seen pants these amazing. Five stars are really not enough, I would select the entire galaxy of stars, suns, black holes, and hemorrhoids to even give these pants a wink of a chance of what they are worth. Now I am not a particularly attractive person, and have, in fact, been called "a hideous monster", "pedophile-like", and "just plain disgusting." But these pants have changed my life. — Mike Hock
Victorio Kitchen Products Banana Slicer. Not only is this product "stylish and innovative," it's a "great gift idea!" The good folks at Victorio apparently forgot to add that their banana slicer is also "likely to receive hundreds of sarcastic reviews."
For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. "Use a knife!" they say. Well...my parole officer won't allow me to be around knives. "Shoot it with a gun!" Background check...HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. — SW3k
Vietnam, Korea, Iraq...they have nothing on the war I struggle with everyday in avoiding eye contact while eating a banana. If I eat it whole every time it enters my mouth I feel like I am being judged on my technique. Laughter stirs, people begin to point and shout "look at the woman "eating" a banana!!"...Now, thanks to this product the pressure has gone! I whip off the peel, and place this on my banana and eat it by hand, in pieces, non judgmental pieces! Thank the lord. — Theld77
I have served in the US Army for over 12 years. I can say that there is technology being used by the military that is rarely seen in the civilian sector. Once in a while, however, an amazing product is released by the DoD for civilian use. The 571B is one of those products. Although once called the M571B Tactical Banana Slicer (TBS)V1, they have declassified it for public use. I am glad to see this product on the market today but I will warn you now, this is a CIVILIAN model and not designed for field use! —HappyHubby
Have you seen these funny fake Amazon reviews before?
Images via Amazon